#as much as I adore the way Loki has been written in this arc

[arty-holly]

I caught up with the bllk manga and it is a 5 course meal with the way it is serving rn.

Rin's moment came and it is mind blowingly perfect. I could’nt ask for more and there are so many delicious details it's terrific.

The title of this chapter is very interesting to me for reasons. Because Rin as a character is shown to be connected with death and suicide. Infact his 1st character defining line is " Soccer is a battle to the death". Later we find the seed of this thinking in little Rin. He's a weirdo who flings himself at pigeons at toy blocks and a completely opposite mentality to the other kids. The ultimate monster who fights someone stronger, gives his all, and then dies is incredibly cool to him. He hopes to be someone like him in the future . So is it really coincidence if the title of his chapter has a clever wordplay with a famous author who was also suicidal and who wrote a book called " No longer human"?

Now Dazai Osamu was an remarkable author and coincidentally (those who watched Bsd will know) he strived to do double suicides with the women he was in love with. So is it really coincidence that the words that comes out of Isagi’s mouth are " I'll die with you!"? Are you all seeing the romantic connotations here guys?👀

Moving on, just the general remarkable-ness of these recent chapters is blowing my mind.

To see Isagi, the master adapter, arguably the best person in Blue lock who can analyze others to perfection floundering at the anomaly that is Itoshi Rin is so great. This is the first and only time Isagi has been unable to decipher the thought process of another person to this extent. It's gonna make the time when he does get through Rin so much more satisfying. 💚

And its too sad that Rin is so chained in by his feelings that he can't kick a goal his teammates would kill to have because of his own mind( bro needs a therapist fr). It's so baffling to others watching from the outside, but to Rin, it makes perfect sense. It's the way he's almost begging for someone to come, someone to break in and-

The image of Isagi literally swiping away Sae’s phantom, almost reassuring him that he's here, he's real is too beautiful. When Rin is about to lose everything, Isagi is the one who is there. I'm pretty sure Loki would've benched Rin if he threw away a goal again, so Isagi is the reason Rin is still playing in this match. Just the visual framing in this panel is too good.

Do I need to say more?

The way Isagi's eyes look so bright as if he's giving hope to Rin. Rin's EXPRESSION 😭(All we need are some flower petals)

Tell me this isn't poetic beauty, come in my face and tell me this isn't the epitome of romance.

Regardless if it is romantic or platonic, I still adore the way they're written into each other’s arcs. I wasn't the one to notice this, but if Isagi had collided into Rin and Rin had not scored, Isagi would've been red-carded instead of being let off with a yellow card. ( His head was definitely not all there in this moment)Isagi Yoichi, thank your stars your lover is a genius , bro would've been cooked otherwise.

And at the end,

We see the old Rin again, finally enjoying the game he worked his entire life for. (Off topic, but he looks so cute and gorgeous here) and the catalyst for that is none other than our protagonist.

Isagi is the light that brings hope to Rin and Rin is the centre, the ideal for Isagi’s growth. They saved each other.

All of NEL hasn't been exactly amazing but Kaneshiro's writing peaked in these chapters. There is so much said in every panel, so much emotion expressed in each drawing, It's incredible.

[galaxythreads]

Shh, just ignore WandaVision. 😅 I know you've got some strong feelings about Wanda, which is totally okay! Entitled to 'em. And like I don't think that Wanda would show Loki how to be kinder, but I do think that Wanda would be kind to him, which would be much more impactful. But, here's some reciepts of Wanda being kind to people.

^checking on/taking care of Pietro

^stepping in front of Pietro to protect him from Steve because he's exhausted

^ this is a deleted scene, but the contents are just Wanda ranting to Pietro to be safer because she's worried he's going to be shot.

^saving everyone on the train

^wanda taking care of vision, trying to see what's up with his head.

^somewhat adjacent, but this entire scene where she's not able to save those people from the bomb and eleven of them die is the set up of her character arc in civil war. Yeah she's angry at Tony for putting her on house arrest, but the fact that she killed someone and then Steve is the one who approaches her and says that it's on both of them is the reason she goes with him. I could rant about that arc for a while but I will spare you.

---

I was trying to find more with the Avengers, but they either haven't been giffed or just....there's honestly not a lot of content of Wanda interacting with the Avengers when they're not fighting. Her story became very very messy as it continued and WandaVision angers me for the framing not the story (I can see Wanda doing this, but SHE IS NOT THE HERO!) and MoM was hot garbage, but I will die on the hill that Wanda and Pietro's arc in AoU was one of the best done in any mcu movie, and it's why I adore AoU despite it being....how it is.

but! The point! Of the people Wanda does take care of and love on screen, she doesn't make dramatic declarations of her love. It's more subtle and private, which does make it easier to miss.

But I also think this would be the kind of love that Loki would find deeply comforting because it's absent minded. Like Wanda's not conciously thinking "I need to show x person I love them" she just does?? If that makes sense. I don't think she really ever verbally expresses love for anyone but Vision and her kids, but I don't think they're the only people she does care about. She and Steve have some sort of bond in order for them to care so deeply about each other in Civil War. And so do she and Tony, otherwise her locking her in the compound because - to her, not him, he was trying to protect her - he thought she was dangerous wouldn't have made her so angry. It felt like a betrayal to her. Can't be betrayed by someone you don't trust or care about. I think Natasha and Wanda have a vague older sister/little sister thing but they exchange so few lines it's hard to tell.

I think one of the biggest missed opportunities about Wanda is no one tried to flesh out her relationships with the other Avengers which leaves her looking disjointed and cold. I doubt it was intentional, but MCU movies are written fairly quickly and depending on what character's the director likes.... character bias do be showing. The writers for WandaVision clearly looked at that and were like "oh yeah! She's completely alone because she has very little connection with anyone else and Thanos really did take everything from her because he took vision which was her everything. Let's do something with this" rather than try to retroactively fix it. Which was an interesting way to take the story, but not the one I personally would have done. Or at the very least the last episode would have been completely different.

Tl;Dr: Wanda is capable of caring about people, but they didn't really flush out her relationships with anyone but Pietro and vision so they're the only people she shows that to.

Loki and Wanda being unlikely friends would be a really good idea and a really fun concept

I could totally see Wanda and Loki bonding over magic and their brothers and Wanda would teach Loki about earth and being kinder to people and Loki could show her pranks and how to be more fun and relaxed

[see-arcane]

A Thoughtful and In-Depth Analysis on Doctor Stephen Strange as of #384

You’re pissed at Loki for stealing your title, Magic Steve? You’re mad that he’s living in your house, wearing your cloak, getting chummy with your un-girlfriend??

Correct me if I’m wrong, Magic Steve, but wasn’t the Sorcerer Supreme title stripped from you by your mystical Vishanti bosses and duct-taped to Loki who

1) Was not trying to steal it from you and

2) Was spiritually/mentally scanned for worthiness of the title by said Vishanti and 

3) Sewed the shredded Cloak of Levitation (that you didn’t bother with!) together by their own hand with their own handmade thread and

4) Has been doing a pretty decent job in your place and

5) Only took over the Sanctum (which YOU recently WRECKED in this past issue) because of the job title and maybe just happened to get a crush on the sorceress who stuck around to keep playing aid and who maybe has a return crush of her own???

Correct me here again, Doc Stephange, if I am in anyway wrong, that the whole big ‘”oh no Loki is trying to get mystical omnipotent whaoihirhwhatever macguffin from behind my secret door!!”” might not have been a problem if you had only

A) Stopped to ponder why your buddy Zelma, a heroine in her own right, was ready to help Loki in this endeavor

B) Tried to, say, contact the Vishanti about this potential snafu, maybe try to get the guy’s magic police badge removed

C) Possibly discuss this with Loki without trying to bluster your way through the door when Loki thinks your presence is upsetting Zelma (who you also kept no contact with! like your cloak!! Followed by the dog with a heart condition YOU BROUGHT to the scene dying by barking himself to death!!?? (but hey no Loki’s fault very definitely shame shame))

D) Tell the Truth About What is Behind the Door

E) ALL OF THE ABOVE????

Correct Me If I Am False, Mr. Strangesteve, but that last quote of yours to Loki????? Just prior to you opening the door on the fucking?????? Void???????

“No matter what happens after I open this door...I want you to remember...you asked for this.”

Is that not a gigantic lie and a half? 

Loki thought he knew what was behind the door (bottomless well of magical power, needed for X Reasons No One Else (save perhaps Ms. Stanton) bothered to inquire about).

You knew what was actually behind the door (giant abyssal murder entity who famously murdered Loki the First, God of Evil among assorted other murders (it’s a favorite pastime)).

Meaning, knowing this, not saying anything about it, to Loki, or to your good old friend-girl Zelma who you know for a fact is right outside the goddamn building (along with a whole city/country/world of civilians!) you released the fucking Void unto the world just to win a fight. A fight which, not being an amnesiac, you knew would be tipped very much in the homicidal end of the super-battle spectrum.

Am I wrong then, in assuming, Stephano String, that you, the title character, Hero of the Picture (c), have willingly unleashed an entity whose entire repertoire is based on raining slaughter and decimation down upon anything in reach...to win?????? Your title???????? Back?????????????????????

Furthermore, Doctange Stroctor, CORREct ME PLEASE, if I do preach falsely, but could this whole entire fuss--you know, the one about Loki potentially accessing some ~*~super amazing~*~ magic nuclear codes, oh no, how scary, how awful--was all a COMPLETELY AVOIDABLE colossal string of bullshit perpetuated by you being A Lying Bitch??????????????/?

I’M FUCKING WAITING STEVE

[trillgutterbug]

Fic Writer Questions!

tagged by @palamedessextus ���� thanks friend!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

64! only five more to the magic number ayyyyy and then i’m legally obligated to never post another one.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

289,575 apparently??? which seems way way way higher than i ever would have guessed, wow. who knew!

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

31 on ao3, although that’s lumping, eg, all marvel subfandoms together. but i have a ridiculous amount of wips in all kinds of other fandoms that i haven’t/won’t post, soooo.... more than that! and i don’t want to list them all bc that’d be a long boring read!

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

it serenely disdains to destroy us, a magnus archives fic that, i somewhat vainly note, has been orbiting in the top few top kudosed fics in the tag since i posted it womp womp.

concerning flight, because we all thirsty for thor/loki+gender and i for one support us.

untitled porny snippet (yes that’s actually what it’s called), because same as above. (i see u, kudos-to-comment ratio and i aint mad but.... i see u. all you dirty birds out there shamefully yet silently jerking it. kudos to YOU.)

an experiment in posthumous subsistence, a batman/joker zombie au i wrote fucking TEN YEARS AGO ALMOST. why???? why is this fic so popular?? i’m barely a good writer now and i sure as shit wasn’t one a decade ago! the terrible title alone should disqualify it from being read, but i guess the people want what they want. and what they want is batman and joker handcuffed together, trying to escape the zombie apocalypse  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

all good things, some stucky hydra trash party-adjacent smut regarding piercings. i stand by this one 100%, it deserves every kudo(s?) tbh.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i do, depending on the comment! i don’t think comments like “loved this!” / “thanks for writing!” are written with the intent to receive a response (or at least, when i write them on other people’s fics, i certainly don’t expect one). they’re like an extra kudo(s?), and i appreciate them a lot, but they’re not really an invitation to Discuss. whereas if someone clearly has put a lot of thought into a comment, or asked a question, or made some observations that i jive with, or just seems like they want to engage, then hell yeah i jump in there. love that shit. 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i guess arguably thine own self, which is some hydra husbands abo. laugh all you want, it’s one of my fave of all my fics lmao. probably specifically bc of the unpleasant/open ending.

7) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

probably moderation is a memory! since it, unlike 99% of all my other stuff, isn’t just total smut, and the whole point of writing it was to wallow as deep as possible in the sauce of giddy teenage infatuation, it got the opportunity to have an actual emotional arc (more or less). furthermore i could not possibly bring myself to break johnny lawrence’s tender little heart ever, that would hurt me far more than it would hurt him.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i only realised while answering this question that apparently.... no i don’t write crossovers! which is not at all a deliberate choice, i guess a compelling enough one just hasn’t occurred to me yet! 

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

shockingly no! by some accidental miracle i’ve managed to fly under the radar so far, despite some of the really buckwild stuff i’ve posted. however, considering some of the stuff i’m probably ABOUT to post.... that clean track record might soon come to an end lmao.

10) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

lmao. uhhhh. almost exclusively, and i guess??? all kinds? this is clearly a question composed by someone who does not write smut.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of, and i wouldn’t really care if i did. 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yeah i think a few....? a number of people have asked anyway and i always say yes, so probably there’s at least one floating around out there somewhere.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have! just once, and we really made it count. it’s called a reptile dysfunction, which should tell you all you need to know. 

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

thorki, probably. i always have and always will come back to it, no matter what. it’s got such a ferociously timeless staying power and so much potential variation, i don’t think i could ever get bored of it, regardless of what level of marvel-exhaustion i might feel at a given time, or what tropes, kinks, or stage of literary pretension i’m at. truly the oh tee pee. 

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

ohhhhh all 836575927 of them, but. there’s this one thorki fic i started almost ten years ago as an experiment with a new-to-me style, which turned out over the intervening years to become my main style, and looking back on that fic, which for many years was a touchstone of writing-to-aspire to for me, it’s actually Not Very Good lol. but i still love the core concept, which is a canon divergence berserker thor au, but not only is it a somewhat inaccessible (admittedly less so since the deadpool movies came out, which was a hilarious pipe dream back when i started writing it) x-force comics crossover, but i wrote myself into a bunch of corners and have yet to dig up the energy to write myself back out of them! i go and reread it every year or so and think “hmm... maybe now...” but tbh it’s just not really good enough to bother! perhaps someday i’ll repurpose the best elements of it into something new.

16) What are your writing strengths?

man, it’s so hard to say. in much the same way that you can spend hours every day staring at yourself in a mirror, yet be utterly incapable of picking yourself out of a lineup, i spend a lot of time eyeballing my writing, but stepping back it seems like a chaotic mass of nonsense with few cohesive throughlines. i’m good at writing smut, i know that much! and in that vein, i think i am good at smut bc i am very good at committing to the bit, as it were. getting into the nitty gritty of experience and sensation (physical or emotional) and rendering largely abstract internal concepts in fairly comprehensible ways. i think my prose is quite decent on a sentence level too.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

utterly incapable of finishing anything! or plotting anything! can’t mange a cohesive emotional arc! write myself into overly structured corners or out onto a vast plain with no structure in sight! all the macro elements of storytelling totally elude me, which is very frustrating when i have all this tasty fleshed out micro-level character stuff, but no narrative skeleton upon which to drape it.

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?   don’t! unless you are very sure you know what you’re doing, and the other language bits are a) very few, b) easily contextually understood, and c) actually adding something other than a weird flex that you know google translate exists.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

11yo me wrote spock/kirk/janice rand and thought she invented the concept of a threesome. brand been stronk since day one 🤘. (the vulcan salute is right next to the devil horns in my emoji list, so....)

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i love the (ongoing) better with you series very much, not least because i’m still absolutely flabbergasted that i wrote something that long. i think it’s actually pretty good all things considered and it’s very dear to me on many many levels. but the fic that i just viscerally adore, that i love the style of, and that i had such a transcendent, invigorating, organic Experience writing, is temper its strength, adding honey until quite cold, which is a terror fic with the inexplicable pairing of edward little/hartnell, featuring crossdressing and gender stuff. it just burst out of me fully formed one day and i don’t think i’ve managed to top it yet! 

lowkey tagging @lingua-mortua @pitcherplant @kaasknot @froggy-babyy @deputychairman @nomercyonlytears @clockheartedcrocodile

[carinyms]

We're three days from the Loki finale and I’m back to spout more meta and theories about episodes 5 & 6! It’s a long one (again.)

I really enjoyed episode five. People have complained that they felt it didn't do much to move the show forward, but one of the things I've loved most about this show is the time it takes to sit with the characters and learn about their backstory, their feelings. (I'm always a little bugged when critics say that an episode hasn't done enough to move the plot forward, because without adequate character development, why should I care about the plot?) I thought the pacing of it was really well balanced.

….and I have never been so nervous for a finale in my entire life. There’s a lot of reasons.

The first is just the fact that I’ve been waiting for this show for a whole year, and the anticipation and excitement of it literally helped get me through the pandemic--so when those final end credits roll I’m going to be a whole mess no matter what happens. (I really hope the rumors floating around about season two are accurate) I also just feel like it’s somewhat inevitable that this is our final farewell to Tom’s Loki, and like—I’ll never be ready, but especially right now, amidst all the rampant controversy around this show, I’m just not ready to deal with that. I have a *small* modicum of hope that this won't be the case, but it feels unlikely. Anyway, guess I’ll die.

I really want this show to stick the landing, so to say. I loved the last episode, but a lot of the response has been that it felt like a lull in the plot. I want this show to end in a satisfying bang so it can get the credit it deserves.

Also I’m a whole hypocrite eating my words from last week—I’m fully on-board with Loki/Sylvie now (not that I was ever really against it)--I’m not sure why I’m surprised. They’re so adorable and wholesome, and I’m in love with seeing Loki in love. It’s so precious. (Just as a PSA, if you’re not into them that’s chill, and you’re allowed to dislike a ship without trying to justify your opinion by labeling shippers as morally problematic. Selfcest isn’t a real thing, therefore there isn’t a moral high ground to stand on here. Okay? Okay.) Wherever it ultimately leads, their relationship is still a really sweet exploration of them both growing and learning how to love themselves and trust others. Also, them cuddling under a tablecloth is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen with my two eyes.

MY THEORIES:

I love Sylvie so much, SO MUCH — and she is 100% going to stab Loki in the back by the end of the next episode. I don’t think the betrayal is going to stick, and by the end they’ll both be on the same page again, but the conversations on trust have been way too one-sided for my comfort. If nothing else she's going to seriously consider it. Here’s one way I can see that going. Spoiler alert: it hurts.

Sylvie betrays Loki at one point—and we see Loki’s growth and arc come full circle as, even after being betrayed by the person he hinged his entire development around, he still believes in doing the right thing, in saving her regardless. It ends in a heart-wrenching self-sacrifice of some kind, and his actions serve as the catalyst for her full development as well. We keep seeing different versions of Loki die for their ‘glorious purpose’, just like how Classic Loki shouts the phrase as he was consumed by Aloith (RIP King, I love you).

Loki has already called Sylvie his glorious purpose (or inferred it). There’s been backlash around him saying that, but the way I see it, it’s less “I’m obsessed with this girl she’s my purpose now” and more “I believe that she’s the best version of us and I’m going to make it my purpose to help her succeed and be what the rest of us aren’t”. That’s why seeing all the other variant Loki’s at their worst in the Loki clubhouse (? what do I call this lol) only fuels him more to find her. I think about what Mobius told him: “You exist to cause pain and suffering and death, all so others can achieve the best versions of themselves”. I don’t think Loki truly believes he can be the best version of Loki — I think he saw Sylvie and thought, "it's her". He’s decided he’s going to help her achieve the best version of herself, but he'll do it giving her love and trust and devotion, rather than through betrayal, pain and suffering. He’s re-writing his pre-determined role, in his own small way. I’m so proud of him.

So who’s behind it all and what’s truly going on here? (This isn’t really one theory, more like a string of possibilities and I don’t really know how they’d fit together.)

I still think it’s another version of Loki. And if it is, I can’t help but appreciate the connections between his position dictating the end of time in the show in relation to Loki’s role in the Norse myths, where he’s the catalyst for the destruction of all things. It feels relevant, considering the whole idea that ‘the end of time hasn’t been written yet’ has come up twice now. That would be a fascinating tie-in to the mythology. (Also—Alioth looks like a giant dog. And Fenrir’s role in Ragnarok was devouring the world—I realize this is a reach but am I the only person seeing this connection?) The thing I really can’t predict is the motivation. What would cause a Loki to want to prevent Loki’s from changing? Was there something that happened in the sacred timeline this Loki is trying to preserve? (I also like the idea of us maybe seeing another version of Sylvie behind it all, but I’m just going to leave that rabbit hole alone. )

But here’s the theory I can’t stop thinking about. There’s a theory floating around tik tok (by user twelvepercentcredit) saying the ‘castle’ we see beyond Alioth looks like a place called the House of Ideas, something that appeared in a (discontinued?) Loki comic. Here’s the wiki page on it. Just looking at the imagery of this compared to the location we’re seeing in the trailers, it’s too similar to be a coincidence. The huge bookshelves, the towering ceilings.

Here’s a description from the wiki:

“The House of Ideas is also home to a library which archives the exploits of every hero who has ever existed in the form of books, written unconsciously by the collective minds of their believers. This collection is curated by Now and Then, two of the children of Eternity. Now and Then routinely seek out heroes to bring into the House of Ideas to bargain with them and give their collections more pages, therefore more time for adventures and exploits. “

And later on the page on how Loki ties in:

“Heeding the desire in Loki's heart to do more with his life, Now and Then approached Loki and brought him to the House of Ideas,[5] where they struck up with him the deal to give more pages to his collection of exploits, rewriting the Books of Loki with a hero's stories in exchange for an eventual hero's death.”

Are they gonna play with the exact happenings of this? I don't know, but it sounds pretty cool!

It would be gutsy to go this route with the show given how meta it is, but I love the idea of it. Would they put characters that embody the abstract ideas of “Eternity” “Now & Then” into the show in the last episode? I’m not sure. Something I could see as a possibility though is an alternate version of Loki having overthrown whoever was previously guarding the timeline, and Loki and Sylvie will have to take them down in turn, thus ‘releasing’ the multiverse to its default, chaotic state.

What if our Loki’s ultimate destiny, ultimate Glorious Purpose, is to release the timelines--restoring all the variants back to their original timelines--and remain in this place for eternity, guarding the timeline and ensuring the multiverse is allowed to exist in its natural state? It seems a pretty fitting role for the God of Chaos. It would also explain why whoever’s behind the TVA would be so desperate to eliminate all variant Loki, if that was his ultimate destiny.

It would be an effective way to remove Hiddleston’s Loki from the movie-verse without killing him, AND place both Sylvie and any other Loki variants back in the the main timeline for use in future films—which we know has to happen somehow, because Young Avengers is definitely happening, and Kid Loki has got to get out of the void somehow.

And yea, this outcome would hurt like a bitch. Because even though that would truly be a lovely glorious purpose for our Loki, he’d be alone. And the whole point of this show is that he doesn’t have to be alone! It would be a very poetic sacrifice for him to take on the burden of watching over the timelines alone for all eternity so that his other variants could be the best versions of themselves, but I really just want him to be happy. I will be crying my eyes out if this happens. I’ll be proud but I won’t be okay.

And this all is probably speculative nonsense and could go off in an entirely different direction. Who knows. All in all, I just really want to see Loki fully believe in himself and his ability, to truly absorb what he said about being stronger than he realizes, and to take control of his destiny.

WHAT I WANT (NEED) FROM EPISODE 6:

Let Hunter B-15 and Mobius team up to burn the place to the ground. She was nerfed in the time-keeper fight, I want to see B-15 kick some ass.

I kind of want Ravonna to escape and be a character that carries over into the films for her tie-ins with Kang? I want to see more of her.

Give Loki a new badass costume. I’m begging. If he’s gonna go down, he deserves to go down in something other than khakis.

And then I want to see him and Sylvie fighting side by side in matching outfits.

I want a Mobius-level hug between them. Or a kiss. Or both. But I want the hug more. And you know what? I want her to initiate the hug or kiss or whatever it is because I want Loki to experience receiving love and affection from others as much as giving it. He deserves it ok??

I expect Mobius on a jet ski in the post credits and if I don’t get it I riot

@marvel these are my demands.

As always, if you've made it this far I'd love to hear your thoughts!

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Avengers Endgame”

Yes- I still haven’t seen this movie.  Yes I know exactly what happens in this movie.  I mainly avoided it for a while due to overhype but with some convincing from my brother, Imma sit my butt down and try to watch this.

Pressing... play!

Right off the bat, I feel like I should warn you guys and say that I have... my opinions... about stuff.  Plus I’m a dumbass about Marvel so just bear with me.

I like that Disney Plus has to warn us about product placement

Clint!

Are we gonna see little Nathaniel running around- THERE he is!

We are gonna see Clint’s entire family get freaking obliterated

Is all the rumbling from the sky or are those airplanes freaking crashing to Earth in the distance?

What if they pulled a reverse WandaVision and showed the people getting snapped out of existence in a future film or show?  That would be freaking terrifying.

They’re [Tony and Nebula] playing paper football...

I wanna see more of THEIR interactions aboard the Milano.  The shots of them just repairing the ship are great too.

“I’m fine.  Totally fine.”  Everyone ever.

I also like you see the visual difference between Tony and Nebula.  While he’s growing gaunt and haggard from loss of oxygen, you can still see that Nebula looks absolutely fine because she’s like 75% android

So between 1995 and now, what the heck has Carol been up to?

“Thanos wiped out... 50% of all living creatures.”  So like entire ecosystems are just demolished.

*anthropology major part of my brain scrambling for answers*

“We lost.  And you [Steve] weren’t there.”  HE WAS IN WAKANDA!

Wait so the arc reactor ISN’T in Tony’s chest anymore?

“Where the hell have you [Carol] been all this time?”  Good question!

*silently bops to opening theme*

For some reason, I just really want the ship radio to randomly turn on so you just see everyone sitting awkwardly as “Piano Man” plays over the speakers

*Thanos slowly cooks his food*  Faster, all together now!  COOKING CAN BE FUN!

“I [Thanos] used the stones to destroy the stones.”  ...what?

“I am...[Thanos] inevitable.”  *starts humming “Inevitable” from TGWDLM*

“I [Thor] went for the head.”  YES YOU DID

[FIVE YEARS LATER] All righty so we’re doing this

*gasps*  Is... Steve running the therapy sit downs like Sam did in “The Winter Soldier”?  That’s awesome.  I really like this tidbit.

I’m also really liking Alan Silvestri’s score for this so far

I’m really trying not to nitpick but I feel like it would take more than 5 years for greenery to just completely overtake a suburban neighborhood

Also wow pre COVID life looks great you guys

“There’s a part of me that doesn’t even wanna find him.”  Are they talking about... Clint?  Is Clint just going the full vigilante route?

DOES HE KILL PEOPLE?!?

I really like Steve and Natasha’s friendship in these movies but for some reason I don’t feel like we get enough of Natasha for me to get behind her on an emotional standpoint

Are they gonna use the quantum realm to jumpstart the multiverse for Phase 4?

Also speaking of multiverse, I honestly really don’t want Spiderman:  No Way Home or Wandavision to get too cluttered by that

I like Tony’s lake house.  And he got a whole vegetable garden going too.  Kudos!

The little kid who plays Morgan Stark is adorable

“Not if we strictly follow the rules of time travel.”  Which we obviously won’t.

“We’re gonna need a really big brain.”  So where the [expletive] is Banner?

“Stranger danger.”  *snorts*

“Dab!”  *rolls eyes*

So is the whole Professor Hulk thing permanent?  I know he’s gonna be in the She-Hulk show but I’m wondering how they’re gonna tackle that.  And they’re gonna have Tim Roth too!

*smiles when Tony takes Morgan to bed*

Steve Rogers here [when they do the first time travel tests] is a Look ™

Maybe don’t let the GIANT GREEN MAN keep pressing a bunch of tiny tiny important buttons on a dashboard

*laughs at Steve shaking his head in disbelief when they finally bring Scott back*

*Tony’s car races toward the Avengers base*  NYOOOMMMM

*Tony rolls down his window*  It’s Britney, bitch

“And maybe not die trying.”  And you definitely will.

This whole bit where Scott keeps losing his dorito only to get another one from Bruce feels like a Doritos commercial.

*jams out to "Supersonic Rocket Ship by The Kinks*

Did they just keep reducing the green pigment for Hulk or what?

*sighs when they reveal Fat!Thor*

MIEK’S ALIVE!

Please tell me Noobmaster69 is Kid Loki, whom we meet in the Loki series

“Don’t... say that name.”  “Yeah we actually don’t say that name here.”  I like this.  I like that Thor has so much resentment for killing Thanos at the wrong time and that he felt that could have done better cause he’s A GOD.  So the fact that THANOS was on equal level and BEAT HIM-

Hawkeye’s killing people

This sword fight’s great [between the Yakuza person and Clint]

WHY DIDN’T THEY BUILD ON THIS [Clint and Natasha’s connection] ???

*laughs when Rhodey suggests killing baby Thanos*

These shots of Clint going through the Quantum Realm looks like something straight out of Andy Park’s concept art and that’s awesome

“Well I [Scott] haven’t [encountered an Infinity Stone] but I don’t even know what the hell you’re all talking about.”  *snorts*

“The Aether, firstly, is not a stone.”  Thank you!

The little glance Nebula gives after Thor mentions the Dark Elves just make me think that somewhere down the road, she has either A) encountered them or B) has encountered other Asgardians besides Thor

“Guys if you pick the right year, there are three stones in New York.”  “Shut the front door.”  *laughs*

Also underrated trio:  Steve, Natasha, and Bruce.  Gimme more.

Wait a minute, in 2012, Doctor Strange wasn’t active yet.  So are they gonna go see- OOOOOOOHHHHHH

[NEW YORK 2012] Oh here we go

*cracks up when Bruce very half-assedly smashes stuff on the street*

“I’m looking for Doctor Strange.”  “You’re about five years too early.”  Wait a minute.

HOW DOES SHE [the Ancient One] KNOW?!?

*giggles at Thor and Rocket sneaking in the background with a bored Loki in focus*

“That’s my [Thor’s] mother.  She dies today.”  I love this scene already.

Also WHY IS THOR- or the Thor films in general- have like the most well written characters in the whole canon?

It’s those movies, Guardians 2, The Winter Soldier, Civil War, aaand.... I can’t think of any more of them. 

Oh yeah and WANDAVISION cause THAT HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK-

Rocket just said he thinks of the Guardians as his family I’m gonna die...

What about their [Natasha and Rhodey’s] friendship?!?  I want more of that!

“Ronan’s obsession... clouds his judgment.”  ...HUH

*Thanos uses his sword to lift up Nebula’s chin*  Aw heck no

“As far as I’m concerned, that’s America’s ass.”  *has to take a second before nodding in agreement*

Wait is that Jasper Stillwell?

“Flick me.”  That bit alone could be taken out of context

“We’re in route to Doctor List.”  Who’s Doctor List?  Is that a code name?

“Hail Hydra.”  THE BASTARDS WENT AND DID IT

Please tell me this hand off scene is gonna be the opening for the Loki show.  Please tell me this is gonna happen.

*Loki takes the Tesseract again*  AND HE’S GOOONNNEE!!

LET’S GET TO FREAKING JUNE ALREADY!

*ends up quoting “Yeah, I know, I know” along with Steve*

I’m really glad Tilda Swinton actually came back for this cameo

*keeps slapping my laptop screen when people keep saying Doctor Strange made a mistake when it was an explicit point in Infinity War where he encountered 14 million other AUs to find the best result*

Are you telling me that this whole plan could derail because Nebula accidentally hacked into her own WiFI network?  Are you seriously doing this?

*Thanos and Ebony Maw scan Nebula’s duplicate memory bank and track her down*  Are you freaking kidding me?

...I have 96 minutes left?!?

“The future hasn’t been kind to you [Thor], has it?”  Frigga is underrated

So for these shots with Jane, are they just reusing different shots from Thor 2 or just footage from deleted scenes?

Can we talk about how Frigga is absolutely the best parent Thor has?  Meanwhile her husband ODIN is like “oh yeah by the way you have a secret sister totes magotes i’ll die now byeeee”

*sings along with “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone*

*laughs when we cut to Quill just very badly singing along to his iPod in the distance*

I want a bonus short with just Rhodey and Nebula doing their thing

*Nebula gets her memory taken over by 2014 Thanos*  Nooooooo...

Are the glasses that Tony wears here part of EDITH from “Far From Home” or are they like a prototype?

Also I haven’t seen “Far From Home” yet because Sony hates me

Doctor Zola?!?

*jams out to the music playing when we see Hank Pym’s lab*

“A little girl would be nice.  Less of a chance that she’ll end up exactly like me [Howard Stark].”  *gasps softly*

Oh my God, he’s [Steve] in Peggy’s office

Alan Silvestri is really killing it with this score

JARVIS!!

Wait and that’s the guy from “Agent Carter”!

Ohhh that shot’s [of Thanos’s ship coming out of the clouds] awesome...

*2014 Nebula hands Thanos the Pym particles*  Oh are you kidding me...

The CGI for Red Skull is also awesome

*gasps when Natasha reveals that she never knew her dad’s name when Red Skull told it to her*

*is super bummed out when Natasha sacrifices herself*

Kevin Feige really went and said “so Phases 3 and 4 are gonna make everybody cry” and the writers went “YES”

Wait doesn’t Cap go and return the stones at the end of the movie?  How’s he gonna handle meeting Red Skull on Vormir then?

“It’s like... I [Bruce] was made for this.”  Please someone get Mark Ruffalo his own Hulk movie before he combusts from giving out more spoilers

So Thanos used the Pym particles to time travel then.  Honestly that’s kinda genius

I just noticed that Scott shrank himself right as the explosion hit the windows

I really want someone to just drop one F-bomb somewhere in the MCU and I really hope it’s Clint because he would 100% say it

*starts singing “Hollaback Girl” when Thanos arrives*

Here’s my question;  how did Thanos acquire Nebula then?  With Gamora, it was with the genocide of her people.

“We [Gamora to Nebula] can stop him.”  LET’S GO!

[Thor uses his storm powers to summon both Stormbreaker and Mjolnir] *softly* Ohhhhh that’s badass...

Now I’m just imagining the cast just in the green screen room just hitting Josh Brolin with a bunch of foam weapons and making all the sound effects while poor Josh is just struggling under the weight of the Thanos reference head on his mocap suit

Who does the voice for FRIDAY?

AN:  Irish actress named Kerry Condon

*Steve deems himself worth to wield Mjolnir*  OKKAAYY OKAAYY

Love how Thanos is like “yes, I’m gonna stab you with an AXE”

“In all my years of conquest...”  Steve you suuuucckkk...

Are we getting the Chitauri again?

“On your left.”  *laughs incredulously*  O-ohhh my God...

*Everyone starts coming out of the portals*  Oh my God I’m getting chills

I would have lost my mind in the theater

I HAVE ACTUAL GOOSEBUMPS RUNNING ALL OVER ME.  This is how good this is

WAIT ARE THOSE THE RAVAGER SHIPS ABOVE THEM?!?

“Avengers... assemble.”  Oh my God this is amazing!

M’BAKU!

Also “Endgame” really just said “We are KILLING FOOLS TODAY”

How are they gonna tackle Peter and Gamora’s relationship in Guardians 3?

[Horn plays La Cucaracha] LET’S GO

God I’m gonna turn feral

*has to pause to scream in excitement when Wanda touches down in front of Thanos to fight him*

*puts hands on head*  OHH MY GOOOOODDDDD

They’re literally just playing Keep Away with a teenage boy.  Marvel, everybody.

*Captain Marvel destroys Thanos’s ship*  WELL IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH

OK I got mixed feelings about that [the girl power team up scene]

*Thanos unsuccessfully headbutts Carol*  Oh shit!

*Doctor Strange holds up one finger*  Oh my God this is it

Someone definitely tore off when Thanos pushed Tony off

It was in that moment he [Thanos] knew- he effed up

*All of Thanos’s army dissipates*  Byeee...

Is it bad that I’m not crying at Tony’s death?

*gasps when Peter reunites with Ned at school*

Wait the whole time heist takes place within ONE DAY?

“I love you 3000.”  I really hope we see Morgan again somewhere in one of the movies or shows.  Actually a cool way to reincorporate her would be in the Ironheart series whenever they make it

Even Drax is wearing black!

It’s the “We should be getting therapy but we got a TV show instead” trio [Wanda, Bucky, and Sam]

Wait is that guy- was that guy- the little kid from Iron Man 3?

AN:  Yes

So right after this funeral, Wanda’s gonna storm SWORD right?

AN:  This was finished up on 2/26 so probably YES

*Thor crowns Valkyrie the new leader of New Asgard*  I now cannot wait for “Thor Love and Thunder”

Wait Peter’s looking for Gamora!

Still cannot believe that the time travel suits are completely CGI

I know they had a body double for Chris Evans here but I do think it would have been cool if they used the body double’s voice for Old Steve instead of Chris trying to sound old

He [Steve] put the shield in an art portfolio bag...

*says “No, no I don’t think I will” along with Steve*

*silently jams out to “It’s Been a Long, Long Time” playing during the credits*

Wait and that was the song Fury was playing in “Winter Soldier”

Oh they even got the actual signatures!  That’s awesome!

[aurorawest]

I used to adore that sweet deleted scene from Thor 1 where the brothers talk before the coronation. Until I remembered that Loki had already arranged for the Jotuns to ruin the coronation, and knew Thor wouldn’t become king. This hurts. And makes me wonder, was Loki lying when he said “I’ve looked forward to this day” and “never doubt I love you”? Or did he really mean it? He sure sounded sincere, but why would he mean such sweet claims when he’d already done an act of treachery toward Thor?

Oh this is so crunchy, thank you for the opportunity to talk about this. This got long, haha. Surprise!

First off, I’ve devoted a lot of time to thinking about this, to the point that it’s almost fair to say that everything I’ve ever written about Loki and Thor comes down to the dichotomy of what we see from Loki in this scene.

Sometimes, I’m…envious. But never doubt that I love you.

I’m not sure any one line sums up Loki’s relationship with Thor more than this one, and it is a damn shame that it was cut from the final film. Loki is a person, I think, who is very, very good at cognitive dissonance. That is to say, he can hold two (at least) different, contradictory thoughts in his head at the same time. And I think we all do this with the people we love, right? You love your family, but god, sometimes you hate them. I think it’s pretty clear through all of their appearances together that Loki loves Thor (ironically, when their relationship is in theory at its best, in Thor, we actually see it the least, because they cut all of the scenes that really show it).

The thing is, Loki doesn’t just love Thor. Thor is everything that Loki wants to be and feels that he can never possibly live up to. He admires him, but he’s also resentful. I’m going to quote a line from my own fanfiction, because it sums this up fairly well:

Normally it hurt, knowing that he’d never really had a chance. Not so much because he desperately wanted the throne. He didn’t. It had been made clear to him long ago that he possessed nothing that Asgardians valued in their kings. He just wanted to be valued, even if it didn’t translate into a crown. (Foundations, chapter 2)

Loki is bitter about his perceived Otherness (and he doesn’t even know the half of it yet). Everything in Asgardian society tells him he won’t be a good king, and because in his family, value and worthiness is intrinsically tied into the succession, this sets up this toxic situation where one child was always going to feel like the lesser one. I want to emphasize that this could have been Thor. And while I believe Loki can kind of intellectually see this, he’s a deeply sensitive, deeply emotional person, and his brain can tell him thing all day long. In the end, his heart is going to feel the pain of his inadequacy.

So that brings us to Thor. Thor is…kind of a scapegoat, I guess, for this situation. It would be great if Loki could recognize that he has strengths and he’s valuable for what he is, but he doesn’t, or can’t, not totally. It’s hard to have the confidence to buck society’s expectations and norms. Even if you do it in part (which he clearly does, e.g., with his magic), that doesn’t mean you’re willing or able to do it totally (in fact, I might argue that for some people, being able to stand up to the cultural norm in one instance might be a shield against admitting much deeper truths about yourself that would set you apart…hi, I think I just had a personal revelation). Then you have the added issue that for Loki, bucking society’s expectations is bucking his father’s expectations, and his father isn’t just his father, he’s also the king of Asgard. He’s the All-Father. He is, in Loki’s view, the most powerful person in the universe. Loki desperately wants his approval and validation. How many times do we hear him say that in Thor? So Loki can’t take any of this resentment out on his father because he just…can’t.

But he sure can take it out on Thor. Thor is his brother. Thor is someone he should be equal with. You know the truism ‘you hurt the ones you love?’ Thor and Loki are the perfect example of this. I very much think they take each other for granted. Which is where the cognitive dissonance comes into play. Loki loves Thor very much, and this is just a given for him—and not just for him, he would feel that it should be a given for Thor, as well. I think Loki holds these two truths in his head simultaneously: Thor will never not love him, and Thor will never love him. To shamelessly quote my own fanfiction again:  

…deep down, he had an unshakeable faith that Thor needed him. There was a toxic side to that, too—an unshakeable faith that he could get away with anything and that Thor would still be there. (an unpublished fic I’m working on called Sleight of Hand, chapter 9)

Thor represents everything Loki wants to be but can never be, and Thor will never reject Loki for dumping all his insecurities on him. At the same time, Thor maybe doesn’t really love Loki, so it doesn’t matter what Loki does, because he’s already lost this thing that he values so highly, which is Thor’s love.

(Side note, I firmly believe this is why Loki does shit like, ‘Don’t tell me it was that woman. Oh…it was. Well, maybe when we’re finished here I’ll pay her a visit myself!’ I don’t think that Loki intends to go to Earth and hurt Jane, not even for a second…but it’s going to make Thor angry if he says it, and it’s going to prove to Loki what he knew all along deep down, which is that Thor doesn’t love him and will fight him)

Anyway, I hope I’m putting it properly into words. It’s something I myself feel on a really visceral level, which is why I really connect with Loki as a character, but it’s hard to articulate.

Ruining Thor’s coronation is a garbage move by Loki, there’s no doubt about that. He says to Laufey:

That was just a bit of fun, really. To ruin my brother’s big day. And to protect the realm from his idiotic rule for a while longer.

I suspect that Loki’s actual motivations are closer to the last sentence here. You have to remember that Loki is lying to Laufey. His intention is to get Laufey to come to Asgard so he can kill him, serving the dual purpose of making himself look like the worthy son and getting revenge on the biological parent who abandoned him. I wrote about whether or not Loki wanted to go to Jotunheim in a recent ask, so I won’t rehash that here, but Loki’s goal is really to make Thor look like he’s not ready to take the throne.

But, that said, I also think that there would have been an element of fun to it. Loki thrives on chaos. A not insignificant part of him likes to start a fire and sit back to watch it burn. Plus…these are Asgardians. I definitely think that Thor would be Pissed Off if he ever found out that Loki had done this (he never does, unless Heimdall tells him, but I don’t think there’s any direct evidence of that? Correct me if I’m wrong, it’s actually relevant to one of my WIPs), but also, like, these people are living on a different level than we are. They stab each other and it’s no big deal. Had his plan worked out the way he’d thought it would—Frost Giants interrupt the coronation, Thor comes up with this dumb, reckless plan to go to Jotunheim, guard tells Odin where they’re going, Odin stops them and gets mad at Thor, Thor doesn’t become king for the foreseeable future—I think Loki would have laughed about it for weeks. He made his brother look dumb and he himself looked like the circumspect, smart son because he was against going to Jotunheim from the start. Obviously, that’s…not what happened. A whole other discussion, that one—Loki’s plans having unintended consequences.

At the end of the day, anon, I think you should continue to love that scene if you want to. It’s one of my favorites. Every time I watch it I curse the decision to cut it from the film because it gives so much more depth to the relationship. I have no doubt that Loki really loves Thor. Just look at his arc. In the end, Loki dies for Thor. Loki gives up the universe to try to save Thor. He’s just a messed up young man who is truly terrible at dealing with his emotions.

I’ll leave you with another quote from my upcoming fic, Sleight of Hand:

She raised her eyebrows right back. “Have you ever considered therapy?” When he furrowed his brow, she said, “Why am I not surprised that Asgardians don’t have therapy?”

[alydiarackham]

(cover by me)

How to Be a Hero Like a Villain by Alydia Rackham

Introduction

I’m Basically a Geek

                 Hi. Yeah, so, it’s true. I’m a geek. Have been forever. I really had no shot at being otherwise. My mom raised my brother and I on musicals and Star Wars and Star Trek and Disney. Growing up, I read loads of YA sci-fi novels—again, lots of Star Wars—and then when Marvel started making movies, I got into X-Men and then Iron Man, Thor (my major crush on Loki still remains alive), Captain America, then Batman; all that jazz. I’m also a Disney fanatic and a theatre nerd.

I was an English major in college, am in love with Tolkien and Austen and Dickens and Doyle, and adore all things Victorian. My friend Jaicee introduced me to Vampire Diaries and Originals (which are both compelling studies in heroics and villainy, let me tell you). I’ve written tons of fanfiction, in addition to loads of original novels. I write in all genres, mostly because I get hooked on a good story, good characters, no matter the setting—though I do have a weakness for an epic story arc, flawed heroes and of course, powerful villains. Right now, I’m on the 5th book in my fairy tale retellings series. So far, I’ve retold “Beauty and the Beast,” “The Snow Queen,” “The Little Mermaid,”—and then I did a totally-original one about a Curse-Maker, from the POV of…yep, the villain! At the moment, I’m working on a retelling of the legend of King Arthur, called “Excalibor.” It’s a blast.

               As you might imagine, I am intrigued most of all by character. I enjoy reading about the great ones, and inhabiting the interesting ones in my own writing. Flat romantic interests and motivation-less villains drive me nuts. I’m fascinated by a character’s inner workings, his history, his motivation, his mannerisms, his relationships, his skills, his style, the way he presents himself to the world. My brother and I love analyzing plot holes and devices and flaws and symbolism and insights. (Our after-movie discussions can get very animated, and last for hours.)

               Often, we find ourselves yelling things at the Hero on the screen like “For crying out loud, don’t do that! Don’t go in there! Stop wasting your time! Watch out—don’t you know what’s in there?” We easily see the choices that the Hero makes that are flawed, impulsive, or just plain stupid.

               But very rarely do we notice such things about the Villain. A good one, anyway.

               The Villain takes us by surprise. He startles us. He’s two steps ahead. He already has the device, he’s laid the trap, he’s captured the girlfriend, he’s destroyed the evidence. (Cancer Man in X-Files makes me absolutely want to scream because of this stuff.)

               Why is that? How did he know? How is he doing this?? It drives us crazy—and yet, we reluctantly have to admire the greats for being such awesome masterminds.

               So…how are the Villains so successful? Sure, we could shrug it off and say, “Well, he’s a super-genius, what do you expect?” But that’s too easy, and frankly, it’s doing a great disservice to our Evil Neighborhood Menace. In fact, with everything we see, and with the Hero making such rash and stupid decisions, oftentimes it’s a wonder that the Hero even lives, let alone triumphs in the end.

               And actually, in real life, that’s often true. The Hero does die or fail, and the Villain lives and prospers. Why?

               What is it that the Villain is doing that the Hero is not doing, which makes him successful? Again, the easy and lazy answer is “He kills people to get what he wants, he lies, he steals.” Okay, sure. What you’re describing is a garden-variety thug. Somebody who gets caught in Spiderman’s webs every weekend.

You are not describing a Super-Villain.

There’s something about a Super-Villain—a really great one—that keeps him in the game, that makes him a serious threat to the Hero, even after being beaten over and over again. What is it about Lex Luthor—who has no powers—that keeps him alive, and makes him a continuous, serious threat against Superman, the most powerful being on the planet?

How is it that a Villain keeps coming back, when similar failures and losses would crush a Hero and send him home forever, never again to don the super suit?

Could it be that a Villain’s methods, his mindset, his approach, are vastly different from a Hero’s?

And, if a Hero could learn to take these qualities and mesh them with his own already-existing awesomeness, could he perhaps avoid a devastating loss, a crushing defeat?

Is that…in fact…what does make the Hero succeed in the end??

That’s what this book is about. Examining what truly is awesome about a great Villain, and showing YOU how you can put those qualities to use in your own life to do a great deal of good, instead of great evil.

Be a great Hero. Take a few tips from the Villains.

-Alydia Rackham

         P.S. I’m going to refer to both the Hero and Villain in this book as “he.” I’m doing that because it’s waaay easier than saying “he or she” all the time. Not because I don’t believe that women can be awesome Heroes, or terribly wicked Villains.

Because I totally do.

 Chapter One

What Makes A Hero or a Villain?

                 So, what is it that makes a person a Hero, instead of a Villain? We’re talking the foundation, here. What are the qualities he or she possesses deep down inside that distinguish, that draw the line, that clearly state to the world: “Nope, this is a good guy, this is a bad guy”? This can be confusing. Especially when we look at two characters, say Loki and Bucky Barnes. Both of them have been all over the map with both good and evil deeds. Both have been called Villains, and both could be Heroes.

               What is it that makes us decide where someone stands?

               I would say that it all comes down to one thing: CHOICES.

               It can’t be anything else. You can’t say it’s kindness, or love, gentleness, trust, honesty, bravery, self-sacrifice, or self-respect. Many Heroes and Villains alike struggle with self-respect. Many Villains sacrifice themselves for a person, or a cause. Villains are almost always exceptionally brave. Villains probably are honest with at least one person, or have been in the past. They also have trusted someone, been gentle with someone or something. Most certainly, the best Villains have loved very, very deeply, and tried their best to be kind to that person or animal.

               However, something went wrong. Very wrong. And with every Villain, it can be traced back to Choice.

               Sometimes, it’s a single choice. Many times, it’s several choices in a row. And eventually, they all decide that “the ends justify the means.” They opt for self-preservation, for the removal of liberty for other people, for the arrogant assertion of their own will. Over and over again, until it poisons them.

               A Hero is someone who does not do this. Who chooses, even if it is wrenchingly difficult, to stand by what is right, no matter the consequences. No matter if he loses everything. He will not betray his honor. Even if no one else would see or know—he would know. And he will not do it.

               In the end, this is what makes the Hero stronger than a Villain. The climax, and the defeat of the Villain, comes when the Villain’s weaknesses are exposed, and the Hero takes all his own strengths, combines them with the strengths of the Villain, and declares victory.

               A Hero guards his or her good conscience fiercely. It’s pretty well summed up in this quote from Captain America:

               “Whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are: not a perfect soldier, but a good man.”  

 Chapter Two

Good Guys Can Be Stupid

                 We all know it’s true. When we’re in the movie theatre, we mutter under our breath, shake our heads.

When we’re at home, we scream at the TV.

               “Nooooo! What are you thinking? Don’t go that way, go the other way!”

               “You moron, don’t go off by yourself! Never leave the group! Especially in the dark!”

               “What, you jumped in there but you had no way of getting out?”

               “Don’t ignore her calls, she’s trying to save your life!”

               Yep, we’ve all been there. So what are some bad traits that Heroes tend to display that we ought to try to avoid ourselves?

  Stupid Impulsiveness

               Sure, impulsiveness can be good on a date, or at a restaurant trying some new dish.

It’s not good when you’re, I dunno, jumping off a ten story building. Following a noise into a dark forest. Or deciding to stop a bank robbery two days after you discovered your powers. Bad planning, or none at all. Not even thinking about what could happen in the next five minutes, let alone preparing for it.

For us regular folks, this can be translated into deciding to go for a drive in the snow with no 4-wheel drive, jumping off something that’s too high, going on a trip without enough money, walking down a dark alley in New York City…

               Yeah, you get the idea.

Not Keeping Family and Friends in the Loop

               We’ve seen it a lot: Heroes thinking they need to conquer alone—deal with all their problems, and protect their family members. However, all that ends up causing is major trouble. Sometimes life-threatening, sometimes not, but it’s never good. One that comes to mind is Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice. If she had told her sisters about what was going on with Darcy, and especially the drama with Mr. Wickham, she might have saved her sister Lydia from being entrapped by the Villain. Pretty much every single story about a superhero contains this type of lament: “If I had only just told them the truth!”  

               Heroes fall into the trap of thinking that they’re protecting their loved ones by keeping secrets. By not trusting their friends or their family with what’s going on in their lives. When in fact, this only puts their loved ones in danger, and puts serious stress and pressure on the Hero, which can lead to exhaustion, panic, stretched resources, missed opportunities, and giving the loved ones the feeling that they’re being neglected and forgotten.

  Discouragement

           So many times, the Hero just doesn’t have the tools to do what he needs to do. He’s isolated himself, he’s gone without sleep, he’s fighting an uphill battle every day. And then, one major thing goes the wrong way, and he’s broken. He collapses, he throws things, he cries, he’s in despair. He thinks there’s no possible way for him to do this, to keep going.

               He dwells on the failure. It almost swallows him. He loses all confidence, all belief in himself. He might even lose faith in the cause itself, in the people and things he’s been fighting so hard for. And if someone doesn’t come along and convince him otherwise, he’ll never put on that Hero cape again, or pick up that shield, or that sword.

Read this book: https://www.amazon.com/How-Hero-Like-Villain-Villainous-ebook/dp/B07NMVGCHP/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=how+to+be+a+hero+like+a+villain+alydia+rackham&qid=1572901986&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

[ad1thi]

changes i would make to endgame

(major endgame spoilers under the cut, obviously)

the more i think about this film, the more i get mad about how certain characters were treated

so

here are my proposed changes:

(1) visa vie this very long post,  Carol is the one who makes the snap and Tony fucking survives

(2) Thor dies. 

Now okay before i get a lot of hate from Thor stans, the reason I think this is because - he’s one of the original 6 avengers; but in endgame he’s genuinely treated like crap. As much as I personally like his arc in his film, i would be absolutely lying if i didn’t recognise that I was being purposely blind to the fact that his size is a gag; and it’s extremely disheartening that he’s the only character who isn’t allowed to grieve given that he has arguably lost the most. Everyone else has lot friends and family, Thor has lost his entire fucking planet. Over the course of these films he’s lost his family and now he’s lost the one place he would call home for centuries. He has no girlfriend, no family, and just barely has a place to rest his head at night.

One of the major characters deserve a better character arc than that. While I understand the business decision behind it (thor ragnorak did amazingly well and thats because it showed a softer side of thor); that doesn’t mean that thor should be regaled to comic relief. He is not a cash machine, he is a character that fans have come to adore despite truly shitty writing; and i would’ve liked to see his vengeful side

the Thor that could wipe out entire armies, centering his rage around the titan who killed his family, his brother

personally i think, if written well, thor’s death could’ve had more shock value than tony’s

(3) loki has a bigger role

the line “brother i swear to you, the sun will shine on us again” is just an iconic line; and it hints at this resurrection and what i would’ve liked is for loki’s role to have not just been a set up for his tv show; but a completion of his arc

--

for example:

There’s a flourish of energy that surges around Thor; portals opening from various parts of the globe and not for the first time he misses his brother. He grips Mjolnir tighter, charging at Thanos with a fiery roar

“Thor!” he hears from the side, and Tony’s armour has opened up at the back as some sort of conduit, “Hit me!”

He channels all his rage and frustration, and strikes, allowing the force of his lightning to flow through Tony’s armour and make Thanos stagger back a few steps

Its a gruesome fight, and Thor finds himself on the floor more than he’s airborne, but its familiar in a way that nothing has been in 5 years and Thor revels in it

It’s one of these brief stints on the floor when he feels it; the surge of power rippling through the floor and hanging heavy in the air

Despite himself, Thor smiles; because this power is familiar

“I told you,” says a infuriatingly calm voice behind him, and Thor looks up just as Thanos is held in the air; writhing in agony, “You could never be a god”

Loki stands still in the middle of the battlefield, energy bleeding out of him and slaying thousands around him

The Avengers are frozen in abject in horror, and Thor can see out of the corner of his eye that Tony is re-assessing just how much of a threat Loki is

--

(4) Okoye had a bigger role

look, i know it’s about the og6 avengers yada yada yada, but this film seemed to do a great job of making us all think that Scott Lang was irreplaceable; so why not okoye? she deserved more than 30s of screen time; and having Danai Gurira do the entire press tour if that was her only role means that marvel baited fans for the sake of diversity. 

In my mind, she would’ve fit perfectly as a part of the Time Heist next to Rhodey and Nebula, and it would’ve allowed for a tear jerking reunion with her king 

(5) Wendy Bitchimoff stayed dead

(this is just my petty self, but couldn’t loki have played the role that wendy played? and then maybe we get clint&loki closure)

(like i said- full circle to his character arc)

(6) the “gay character” that marvel queer-baited us with was Steve, not a Russo self interest fic

idk i feel like i would suddenly be 1000 times happier if steve had just retired in real time instead of going back in time; staying in the present and handing off the shield to sam- and then we see him settle down with some OC guy

it doesn’t even have to be tony, just some OC guy

i would’ve been okay with that

speaking of

(7) Steve’s entire end arc

Steve Rogers is the guy who “can’t ignore a situation going south sometimes I wish I could”; 

and yet he goes back in time and settles down with peggy, completely ignoring HYDRA and the winter soldier?? fake news

(8) the film ends with Tony

whether this is him alive like i wanted, or his funeral like it actually happened; this cinematic universe started with tony stark- the final scene was his by right. i will always be mad that he didn’t have the penultimate scene

(9) more ironfamily content

just, morgan and rhodey rhodey and nebula nebula and tony peter and harley and morgan!! rhodey and harley TONY AND HARLEY just, more ironfamily man

--

anyway this film could’ve been much better written to give the og6 avengers the screentime they deserved while also catering to new characters and their roles and thats that

[slytherinfinity]

ENDGAME SPOILERS!!

Okay I saw Endgame last night and I need to vent... AHHHHHH!!! haha I have so many mixed emotions and I don’t even know. Also I typed this on mobile so sorry for any typos. 

So I first saw Iron Man when I was 11, and it was so cool. I grew up watching all of these movies. At first, Cap was my favorite bc he was ~cute~ and I was a young teen girl and so were all my friends. I also loved Loki for this reason haha. Then I saw Iron Man 3 and LOVED IT. I bought it on DVD as soon as it came out. Tony Stark was amazing, but also he dealt with anxiety and panic attacks? His and Pepper’s relationship was everything as well, and also his and Happy’s and Rhodey’s friendships. Tony felt real and human and relatable, and it was cool he was able to overcome so much even with all of his trauma. In AOU he just wanted to protect his team, and no one truly listened to or respected him or tried to understand him, and he ended up with more trauma and guilt. I just wanted him to have a happy ending. Then he met Peter and it brought me hope, after all the Civil War crap. Infinity War was crushing but not completely because I knew another movie was coming out, so there was still some hope. But then Endgame. Honestly... I’m still processing, but I don’t think I’m happy with it. And for more reasons than just Tony, though I’ll talk about that first. His storyline just seemed... blah. He gets back, gets to yell at Steve, and then goes and lives in seclusion with Pepper and has a kid. Yet you know that even with that life he’s still depressed and guilt-ridden. It’s how Pepper knows he won’t stop. So he does his best to help, time travels or whatever (honestly that whole part is still kinda confusing to me- it created alternate timelines, but what are the implications of that- and also for the rest of the MCU??) and then Tony comes back and it looks like they’ve succeeded. I was expecting him to notice something off about Nebula, tbh. But anyway, final battle, and we all know what happens. He makes the sacrifice play. He dies. Pepper says it’s okay, but I just can’t agree. He already made the sacrifice play in the first movie. I think it should have been Steve or someone else in this one to do it. If all Tony’s pain and trauma has been building to this- I just feel empty inside. It’s not a satisfying end. Sure, he saved the universe, but I feel like Strange literally could have like left a message saying don’t send Nebula to the past and all of that would have been avoided. It felt so pointless. They’d already won. Tony also only got to reunite with Peter for like 30 mins, which is lame, and will bring a whole lot more trauma to him. He didn’t even get to see Morgan again. Ughhh I’m just annoyed. And then Steve?? He just goes to live in the past?? The whole movie he’s been saying he doesn’t move on, and then he literally never does, he never grows from there. He doesn’t really develop at all. It’s true- he never truly moved on from the past, and so that means... he’ll just go live there??? I think a better move would be to have him grow to accept his life and try to be happy and actually move on. Or, like I said earlier, he could have realized he can’t move on and made that sacrifice play himself in order to allow others to live and move on. I think that would have been a more satisfying arc to his story. And it would show the love he actually has for Tony- to allow Tony to live with his family and show that he heard and understood what Tony said at the beginning of the movie. (Also, they never had a real conversation where they made up. It was like they kind had that “do you trust me” moment but Steve never truly apologized and I feel like we got jipped out of a good heartfelt moment between those two.) Also- the Natasha sacrifice was sad, but I’m not totally surprised by it. It feels like a very her thing to do, to save her family and Clint’s. But then after everyone got mad and had a quick moment of silence, it was kind of forgotten?? Like they could have even had a memorial or small tribute at Ton’s funeral or elsewhere but like put something in?? It feels like she was just kind of brushed aside. (Also- I didn’t like BruceNat at first but grew to be okay with it, but then it never became anything? Bruce made himself into Professor Hulk and there was no real closure or conversation between him and Natasha? So like... what. was. the. point???) Again, everything with her just wasn’t that satisfying, but it’s something I may grow to view differently. I did enjoy Clint’s arc and I actually think they did a great job with him. Probably the strongest arc of the movie, actually. The way they handled Thor kind of annoyed me. I think it’s perfectly understandable that he would end up like that. He’s lost his family and most of his kingdom, and he feels responsible. I don’t have a problem with that. I have a problem with how the movie and the characters responded to that. Judgmental looks and jokes... like I’ll be honest, I did chuckle at Rhodey’s Cheez Whiz joke, but now I regret that. Like being fat is funny, haha look at Thor, he’s out of shape! Uhh yeah he’s depressed! And Rhodey should know better, being friends with Tony, he should know how to handle anxiety and depression. Nobody was really trying to help or even talk to Thor much, they really just wanted him to help them. Like he was clearly struggling, and yet that was used as a joke... it makes me sad. And also Thor never even looked back at Loki? The convo with his mom was nice though. But that reminds me? Was Loki’s infinity war death actually real then? Bc ugh. I’d be more willing to accept him being permanently dead if it wasn’t in such a lame way. Daggers, seriously?? Loki has freakin magic, and he’s smart!! He could have duplicated himself or something, and that type of lame death is so unsatisfying. Also. Captain. Freaking. Marvel. I went to the movie in a Captain Marvel T-Shirt, hers is one of the first actual comics I read, and I loved her movie. I was soooo excited to see her in this movie and become part of the team and to have some really fun banter with everyone. But then she just... disappears for basically the whole movie and hardly speaks at all (thinking about it- I think all the female characters speaking overall was wayyy low compared to mens which is sad) and she blows up the big ship at the end and that’s basically it. She didn’t really join the team, and she could have been so helpful! You’re telling me they didn’t make a way to communicate with her and they didn’t want to include her in their time travel adventures?? She could have had a funny interaction with Nick in 2012, or stopped Nebula from getting taken in 2014, or helped out more overall, idk. But she should have been a bigger part of the team. They hyped her up so much when she was hardly in the movie at all, which was extremely disappointing. Like I feel so cheated about this. This is something I’ll probably be bitter about for a while tbh... ugh she’s a queen and deserves so much more haha. Also Okoye and Wong would have been useful assets for the time travel and yet they were hardly in the movie at all? So many underutilized characters smh.... (Also I know this would be impossible and the point of the movie is for the main Marvel characters but you’re telling me that in 5 years, there was no random like French or Chinese or any other country’s scientist that could have developed time travel or another method of reversing the snap? Or someone from one of the bazillion planets out there? Like there have to have been other smart people/aliens who went all Liam Neeson after the snap and were out for revenge and solutions and they could have come up with something in those five years. But again, I know that wouldn’t work for the movie...) I just feel that a conclusion to the first real era and characters of Marvel should be more satisfying. But that’s just me, I know there are people who are plenty happy with it, and I think that’s valid. These are just my thoughts. Also, that was a long rant but I don’t want to be completely negative. Here’s some things I did enjoy. -Clint’s arc. Again, I felt it was really strong and emotional and hit all the right notes. They did a good job with him and I’m glad he got to go back to his family. -Nebula. She’s grown so much y’all. I do wish she got the final blow on Thanos, and that she clicked the button to go to the present faster so Thanos couldn’t come after them, but other than that I thought her storyline was great. She’s awesome. -That moment with all the female characters after Peter got hurt. I cheered. Marvel has so many amazing women and it was great to see them all together. I kinda wish they were given more lines and screen time though but this moment was super cool. -Morgan was adorable and I love her. -Pepper’s understanding of Tony was also great. She knew he needed to do something if he could, especially for Peter, she’s grown so much and she loves her mans I love her. -Almost the whole 2012 time travel thing was great. Some good humor and nostalgia, it was fun, I really liked it. The Loki alternate timeline would be cool to explore and I wonder if that’s what the show will be about. -Wanda had a great moment against Thanos. -Okay, while I do think that whole final battle was ultimately pointless and could have easily been avoided, the moment when T’Challa and the Guardians and everyone came in through the portals was amazingly epic and beautiful and powerful. The audience cheered and I did too. It was a cool scene. -Tony and Nebula in the ship at the beginning was great. -If Steve isn’t gonna be Cap anymore, Sam deserves it and I’m glad they went with him. -The Ancient One, Frigga, and other’s cameos were pretty cool. I liked those moments. -Tony’s convo with Howard was great. I like that he got a little bit of closure with his dad. There’s probably more but I’ve written a lot so I need to be done haha. Let me know your thoughts!! :)

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

2018 post because I still want to and it’s on my to-do list

I'm sure at this point no one but me cares considering we're fully two months into 2019 but whatever, I want to record it for posterity, because there were a lot of things in 2018 that I did for the first time and that's kind of important. (”this will be brief!” I said, you know, like a liar.)

I finally got a tattoo. I've been talking about it for years but never figured out exactly what I wanted or where, and even once I figured out what I wanted ("all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us," which has been important to me in different ways for years) I didn't know exactly how I wanted it to look, because it can be tough to make text tattoos look good and I’m not an artist or a graphic designer. and then Scully was diagnosed with kidney disease and I realized, oh yeah, his paw print, there's an obvious one. my tiny little semi-colon (of which I apparently never took a decent picture) was also pretty obvious once I started looking for something small I could do as a test tattoo, although the way things worked out I got them both at the same time. the whole process was...kind of odd? but instead of just talking about it I finally actually made it happen, and it hurt but not, like, unbearably, and now I have a piece of my furry little boy that goes everywhere with me, which was especially important after he died.  

I did way more political volunteering than I ever have before. I always feel like I'm not doing enough and compared to people who volunteered with campaigns every single day, I guess I'm not, but I still did a lot in 2018 compared to any previous year: lots of donations to multiple Democrat candidates and progressive organizations, textbanking for several candidates across the US, sign-waving and even phonebanking for the Alaska Democrats, poll watching on election night for the Alaska Democrats, at least a few hundred handwritten postcards to voters for a few more candidates, data entry for the campaign against a local bathroom bill last spring (I keep forgetting that happened in 2018 too because, you know, 2018 was about a decade long), going to several local anti-Kavanaugh demonstrations and the like, leaving lots of voicemails for my legislators and bugging other people to do the same (with varying levels of success), and maybe other stuff I'm forgetting. which is all good, because actually doing shit is vastly preferable to just going "wow everything is terrible and we're all gonna die" both in terms of actual impact and my mental health. the unfortunate part is that after doing as much as I did for the 2018 midterms--whether or not I really actually did enough, whatever "enough" might be--I got pretty well burned out, especially because...all the candidates I did the most work for DID NOT WIN so that made it feel kinda pointless (even though we took back the House and I was so relieved about that I could’ve cried). especially locally where Alaskans did the stupid thing and 1) kept Don Young and 2) elected a Trump wannabe with almost no experience as our governor because he made promises that any idiot should've been able to see he wouldn't be able to keep. but...I still worked hard for causes and people I care about, and I devoted a pretty significant amount of time and money, and I got out of my comfort zone with last-weekend phonebanking, and none of that is nothing.

I joined a gym and started going there fairly regularly. as usual I want to qualify this, because "30 minutes on the elliptical once or twice a week" is not exactly an amazing workout, and I haven't been as good at going regularly since I finished TAZ: Balance, but like...it's still a new thing that I went out of my way to do, and it was a positive change toward taking care of myself physically.

related: I...finished a podcast? I'm bad at podcasts (see also: I'm two or three years behind on Welcome to Night Vale, the only other podcast where I've listened to more than one or two episodes), but the Balance arc of The Adventure Zone is amazing and it basically let me trick myself into wanting to work out so I could listen to more. (unfortunately, Amnesty and MBMBAM haven't been as effective this way, I think because MBMBAM is hilarious but there's no narrative and therefore no "oh shit what's gonna happen next" suspense, and Amnesty is great but it's just...less zany, I guess. constant zany goofs are great for distracting me from the fact that I'm doing generally unpleasant physical activity.) now maybe if I could find a site like GoodReads for podcasts, which apparently doesn’t exist yet, maybe I’d do better at remembering and then listening to all the podcasts I’ve heard of that interest me...although I still don’t know what would be useful for workouts to give me that all-important combo of zany goofs (made by people who are not horrible) and suspenseful narrative. 

I got back into conventions and cosplay for the first time in six years, which is kind of dumb because I was never that deep into cosplay in the first place and I'm still not, and the vast majority of cons I've attended have been tiny local ones...but I did do several attempts at varying levels of quality starting back in college, and I put together some complicated-by-my-standards outfits for SDCC 2012, and then I didn't do any cosplay at all until last year when I semi-spontaneously decided to go to ECCC. I only did two for that one (AoU Wanda, and Avengers Academy Loki) but they involved more actual work than any previous cosplays and I was pretty proud of how they turned out. and then I kind of went "oh hey, cons and cosplay are fun, I forgot", so I did a very simple cosplay for one tiny local con and two that were much more complicated (Stuttgart Loki and The Final Pam) for our larger local con, and it was a lot of work and I'm not 100% happy with how I looked as Pam but the handful of people thrilled to recognize me made it worthwhile. also my Loki staff is damned cool and I look great in suits.

I got contacts! for the very first time! LITERALLY JUST FOR COSPLAY! I've worn glasses since I was about two so I don't remember my adjustment period and I've never had much desire to try contacts, and with past cosplays I just kind of shrugged and wore my glasses anyway, but after ECCC I wanted to Do It Right so...I got contacts. it kind of sucked actually! after the week or so where I was supposed to wear them to get used to them, I literally have not worn them except for the local convention! it turns out contacts will never be a great idea for me because astigmatism is wacky! but now I have contacts I can use for future cosplays, and it's another new thing outside my comfort zone where I went "you know, actually, I could do this thing" and then I made it happen, which is...sort of a big deal for me.

I played Silent Hill 3 and 2, in that order, which is not that big of a deal but still feels like something of a milestone for me, because a) actually finishing a game is embarrassingly rare for me and b) I feel like...they're so well known and such a part of gaming canon, so to speak, that finally playing a couple classic games I previously only knew by osmosis is sort of significant actually. also I love them both in different ways, and discovering a new favorite game series is always fun.

I said goodbye to Scully. this was...not a fun one, obviously, and in fact those last few days were completely fucking awful. but, well, it was a big thing that happened, and it was new in my experience. like I said (a lot) at the time, I realize it's a sign of how lucky I've been that Scully was my hardest personal loss so far, but that doesn't change the fact that it was, and...of course it was hard and horrible. he was my furry little boy, he was unquestionably family, he was a huge part of my life every day for 9 years.  I took care of him as well as I could for as long as I could, and then I made the most compassionate decision I could, and for the most part I was able to focus on remembering the joy he brought me instead of just how much it hurt to lose him. (I've also said this before but I think dealing with Loki in Infinity War helped with Scully, because I'd already done some work on my unhealthy tendencies toward hopelessness in the face of, you know, things ending.) and then I found Hazy, and that's been hard in different ways but she's also worth it, and I think I can train her enough that other people will actually get to see how silly and adorable and sweet she is instead of just BARK BARK BARK.

I more or less kept up with my writing goals of posting at least one new thing a month? I guess this is an accomplishment rather than a first, since it's something I've been mostly successful in doing for the last few years, but it's still notable. also it does involve a first, because until I will kiss you till your breath is found I'd never written anything even semi-explicit (well, I very vaguely described a couple sex scenes in my Crimson Peak fic a few years ago but that was...VERY vague) and then I wrote several thousand words of fucked-up dubcon sort-of-p0rn and fairly shortly followed it up with another one. so that's a thing I've done now I guess. (is it actually explicit if you never really, directly reference anyone's genitals but it's still obvious what's happening and also it's fucked-up sex stuff? I don't know but at this point I'm definitely still too squeamish to use certain words in my fics. is that because I'm hella ace or because I grew up hella repressed in purity culture? BOTH PROBABLY)

and then there are my goals for 2019! or rather the rest of 2019 but it's cool because I got started on a couple of these pretty much right away!

cut my hair real short. already done! in fact this was basically the first thing I did in 2019, because I made the appointment Jan. 1 and got my hair cut Jan. 2! kind of like the tattoo, this is something I've been wanting to do, and talking about wanting to do, for ages and I've never actually gone for it; the shortest I've gotten my hair cut was basically chin-length, more than once, because I'd go in like "I kind of really want a pixie cut or something similar but idk if that would work on me without adding a bunch of time and Product to my morning routine so maybe I shouldn't?" and the stylists were always like "yeah you shouldn't, a good pixie for your face shape is not wash-and-wear hair" so I never did it even though I kept wanting to just...cut all my fucking hair off. and then this December I kind of went, wait, I got a TATTOO with less angst than this and that's permanent. I CAN CUT MY HAIR. IT GROWS BACK. so I got all my fucking hair cut off. it's not perfect because a short cut really does take more maintenance, from what I'm told (I got it cut the first week of January, so...probably I should have scheduled a trim by now), and I really would prefer to continue paying almost no attention to my hair while still looking generally okay, and the bits in front fall in my eyes and piss me off if I don't pin them back (I did buy the hair wax stuff the stylist suggested that was supposed to sort of lightly anchor it in place but it just never worked for very long, so...pins), BUT it is very nice not constantly catching my hair in my purse strap and stuff like that, and also I'm more visibly queer with short hair and that's definitely a plus.

train Hazy. this is a work in progress. it took a while to get signed up for an actual class and then I had to go with one for reactive dogs specifically, and so far I've only been to two sessions, just one of which involved Hazy, and then I've been trying to do other stuff at home, and...well, it's a work in progress. but she's a good dog who just needs to learn to chill a little bit, and I should've trained Scully and didn't so I'm trying to do things right this time.

specifically, I would like to get her trained enough that she can accompany me to Pride in June, wearing her adorable Wonder Woman harness and cape. given that she is not great with individual strange humans and strange dogs, taking her into a big crowd of both would definitely result in a screaming meltdown if I did it now and it may or may not be realistic to hope I'll be able to get enough improvement on that in time. but that's the goal. if it doesn't work, there's always next year, I guess.

also, I want to make myself a flying ace costume for Pride. this may or may not be much more complicated than I anticipate.

speaking of costumes, I'm planning to go back to both local conventions this year, and I imagine I'll reuse my Stuttgart Loki outfit at least once but it would be nice to do at least one other new cosplay. Heather/Cheryl from Silent Hill 3 seems like it should be straightforward but Value Village hasn't provided me with any of the pieces yet so who knows.

post more to @alaska-gothic​ because I have a bunch of cool photos I'd like to have a place to show off (and I've taken a lot of new pictures, some in VERY cold weather, for this exact purpose)

finish more games. in practice this might turn into "play more short games while continuing to neglect long games" but I want to make my list of completed games longer and I also want to PLAY MORE GAMES in general because it's a thing I really like, and it's possibly the only thing I do that's purely for my own enjoyment, and I want to make more time for that. also I want to finish SWTOR’s existing singleplayer content because, I mean, it’s an eight-year-old(!!!) MMO so its remaining time is probably limited by default and it’s fucking ridiculous I’ve been a subscriber for at least seven years without even finishing all the class storylines, what the actual fuck Past Me. (I also want to make more time for console games specifically, because those are almost definitely easier on my body and I can do them while cuddling with Hazy on the couch. unfortunately this also generally requires me having the place to myself, which is kind of a rare thing that is also necessary for comfortably working on customs or writing, so...opportunities are limited.)

speaking of games: finish buying the parts to upgrade my computer and then upgrade my fucking computer, and also back up my fucking files

finish a long fic? or honestly if I can even finish more short fics that would be great. really just...make progress on the WIP list. especially if I can finish some IW-specific fics before Endgame comes out. that would be super cool of me.

get another tattoo. I still want that LotR quote but I don't know how I want it to look so who knows when that might happen. HOWEVER, I've been wanting something queer, and I very much loved Foxflight Studios’ "we fight as one" design, and when I asked the designer if she was okay with me getting it as a tattoo she said yes. so at least with that I wouldn't have to figure out a design. I do of course have to figure out a) where I want it (ideally, somewhere normally covered by clothes but where I can see it if I want to, and where a person might conceivably keep a real dagger) and b) how much more it's going to hurt/cost than the paw print considering it would have to be bigger and it has a lot more colors and linework.

do some travel around Alaska. I've lived here for nearly my entire life and I really haven't seen that much of my own state. more importantly there are a few extremely cool places within theoretical driving distance, like Kennicott, Igloo City, and abandoned military installations near Seward, and I want to visit them. @erlkonigstochter and I had vague plans to do this last year and it never materialized (although I did visit Nike Site Summit on my own), so...this year I intend to try harder to make that happen, especially since I have no current plans of traveling out of state.

put more stuff on Etsy (and figure out how to advertise them?). in particular there are a bunch more things I want to repaint in various Pride colors, in part because those are way easier than custom Funko figures. of course, a lot of these things are kinda technically copyright infringement which means somehow I have to figure out how to make more sales of the easier things without drawing the attention of any corporations (and/or shift my focus to things that aren't under copyright of some kind but that's probably more complicated).

but also do more personal projects. I have so many partially finished custom figures, and so many other figures I bought specifically to customize but haven't touched since, and it would be cool to actually...do something with some of those. especially because several of my WIPs/plans are more Lokis, and I need all the Lokis, and there are not many more left that I can buy.

figure out how to motivate myself to work out more and keep up with PT exercises, see above re: needing a  better replacement for the magic of TAZ Balance whoops

get a therapist and work on ADHD issues, because I'm increasingly convinced that ADHD issues are at the root of the vast majority of my other issues (depression, anxiety, etc.), and that I would be immeasurably improving every aspect of my life if I could make some progress on that aspect. the difficulty, of course, is that finding a therapist is kind of complicated and difficult, and also I don't really want to add yet another regular appointment to my schedule when I already don't have enough time after work to do all the things I want and/or need to do, but...this one thing could go a long way toward helping me actually do all those other things, so obviously this is a time investment I really need to make. although probably not until I've made serious progress with Hazy's separation anxiety because that also makes it hard to go places after work. so uh, I guess we'll see. in the meantime it might be smart if I tried to figure out some kind of self-guided therapy thing I could do. I'm sure there's...something.

just, like, be more intentional about...things. in general. this is a bad goal because it's very nonspecific but it is slightly more specific than "generally do better FFS" so at least there's that.

[spockandawe]

For the fandom/ships meme: B, D, I, J, K, Q, T, U, V, W, X, Y. (I mean, I like everything you say on fandoms, so you knew this would be fairly comprehensive.)

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Oh man, there are lots for sure!! I’m a sucker for a well-written crackship, and I know I have fun writing them too :P From the last ask, starscream/optimus and jazz/soundwave were both things I’d never considered until I read a really amazing fic, and now I adore them both. Or ratchet/skywarp. That fic didn’t even GO there, but now I have a wip of my own and have already been experimenting with drift/ratchet/skywarp because why make any sense at all when i could so easily make LESS sense :P

I do it to myself too, I tossed off the idea of cyclonus/starscream as a joke, my “friends” encouraged me, and oh god suddenly I’m two fics deep in a series with at least four separate fics planned for the future. Oooh, or in a different fandom for a change, @veliseraptor threw me RIGHT down the steve/loki pit, and I’m never leaving, this is where I live now. 

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

HMMM. I think... I don’t dislike many ships in the franchises like homestuck or transformers, where there’s a giant cast to mush up against each other. I guess I wish I had a bit more natural enthusiasm for brainstorm/perceptor. It’s really cute and I definitely do like it, I just can’t muster up much enthusiasm for perceptor in general, which puts some damper on it. I do like it a decent amount, I just wish I liked it more.

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

It’s made me... wary of some fandoms. Or fandom in general, in some ways. Steven Universe, if I get involved with that again, it’s going to be art and no words, because the moral policing atmosphere is just getting to be Too Much. If I wasn’t rolling around in a universe populated by nigh-immortal space robots, I’m sure there would be other stuff too, but I’ve been pretty sheltered.

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

Boku no hero academia is the most recent one, I think. I don’t know if I’ll ever participate in things, but I finally read the manga and loved it a lot! I caught the edges of the buzz about the Imperial Radch books, and I don’t know if I would have ever read them if I hadn’t had prior awareness when my friend brought them up, and these are some of my favorite books EVER, so I’m glad tumblr clued me in XD

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Oh no, this is HARD :c The trouble with casts of thousands is that nobody can dominate the focus too hard. But when a story is super-focused on a character and how they Develop, I tend to drift away. Umm. Cyclonus and Whirl both hold a special, special, special place in my heart. Megatron probably has one of the more dramatic development arcs, even though Cyclonus and Whirl both own my heart.

Or. I know it’s not the real question. But I love characters where the story WRECKS them, even if it doesn’t quite follow through on putting them back together again. Whirl is a long ways from where he used to be, but still definitely has issues. But oh man. Prowl. STARSCREAM. The transformers comics took two proud, cold, capable assholes and broke them DOWN. And it was GLORIOUS. It’s not really the same as a development arc, because they’re both still... not in good shape. But I wouldn’t care so much if I hadn’t seen where they started and what happened to do this to them. It’s negative development, but it’s so tragic and tasty and gives me such interesting material to think about!!

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

Ahh...  Avatar, probably. Of all the fandoms I’ve participated in on here, that’s the one I’m least likely to return to. I think the problem is that after I did Avatar, I rolled around in Homestuck. I moved from there to Transformers. I dabbled in Marvel. The Avatar universe is very interesting, but the cast is much more limited, the universe is more constrained, and there’s One Canon.

Canon doesn’t necessarily mean that much to me, I’ll cheerfully multiship no matter what. But it’s different thinking ‘well this is canon, but what if... Other Thing’ versus ‘lmao does anyone even know how many separate continuities there are at this point’. It breaks my brain wide open. I don’t start from canon and branch out. I think that ‘well, optimus and megatron have classically had characters and shippy dynamics shaped like X, Y, and Z, so I can pick and choose bits and pieces of settings, scenarios, backstory, supporting cast, the possibilities are ENDLESS--’ Homestuck plays a lot with the idea of continuity and comics universes are one of the closest parallels I can think of to the mess that is transformers. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to go back to playing in smaller sandboxes at this point XD

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? 

Autistic Cyclonus. Fite me.

Or, Starscream with his history and current mental health reflected in disordered eating and sleeping, with a persistent food-hoarding habit. I would say fite me, but actually, read my stories where I stick it right in the text and see how nicely it works.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Different fandoms? DIFFERENT fandoms?????? D:

1. Transformers: Starscream - he’s just... the complete disaster package. He’s vain and egotistical, competent and dangerous, but never manages to succeed and make it LAST. In IDW, he beat out massive odds to get where he is, and survived by the skin of his teeth, and has struggled and STRUGGLED and is prone to being his own worst enemy, and has sabotaged himself enough that he’s barely staying afloat despite sincerely wanting to try his best. I’m weak against all of these things.

2. oh god how am I supposed to pick a favorite homestuck character this is CYBERBULLYING. Okay. Um. I’m going to say Equius. There’s something about the Zahhaks being so stiff and cold and rigid and distant, but also somehow way too close, and swinging between antagonistic and desperate to please. I’ve done better words about Zahhaks in the past, and I’m starting to get sleepy right now, but I am ALWAYS a sucker for the characters who are a mess of contradictions and prone to sabotaging themselves :P

3. Steven Universe: Jasper - Ahahaha, one last self-sabotaging love of my life. She’s different from those others, because she’s been pretty much at the top of her game until very recently. But her issues!!! Everything to do with being the Perfect quartz (from a failed colony, belonging to a dead diamond). The pride and self-doubt are a delicious combination, especially once she gets a taste of fusion and the sense of belonging that comes with it. If I ever did write steven universe, it would have to be about here. Those contradictions and the way they pull you apart, that’s the same thing that draws me hardest to starscream, but it’s hard to do justice to the emotions when you’re writing about them, it’s got so much more impact when you show them directly instead.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

Ooooooh. This. Is tough. Ironfist is the melancholy answer, Nautica is the upbeat one. They’re both spergy engineer types with interests all over the place, who get so ENTHUSIASTIC and excited, and I’m not nearly as outgoing as either of them, but god do they ring familiar to me XD Or, Cyclonus is also a very valid candidate. Internet spock is an uncommunicative recluse, but that’s still a lot more outgoing than irl spock, and Cyclonus is many emotions turned RIGHT inward, even when it would be really, really useful to express them just a LITTLE. And all the plot that goes down between 47-55 with Cyclonus, god, it’s not like I’ve ever done anything like that, but it hits me right in the weak spot.

[winchester-reload]

this is not destiel related, but i was wondering something for quite some time now and i just wanted your opinion to it since you seem to know how to analyse and explain things. so it's been established that angels don't need food in order to stay alive. castiel stated at one point that food tasted like molecules once he got his grace back. now gabriel on the other hand is known to have a faible for candy. he enjoys the taste of sweet food. (part 1 sorry this is long)

(part 2) balthazar enjoys alcoholic drinks (often seen with a glass of whiskey in his hand) and in s5 we’ve seen castiel getting drunk after “finding a liquor store and drinking it”. so my question is, is this all just a continuity error or what’s the deal with angels and food? (sorry if this question is out of context of your blog, i’m not sure who else to ask)

First I’ll start by saying: not needing ≠ can’t have. So in short, no, I don’t believe this is a continuity error. What you’re seeing with these three are intentional, narratively relevant character traits as plot devices. IE: Food as a restricted item for the purposes of driving the story. With Angels in particular, it’s so glaring, in fact, it’ll pull your attention whether you realize it or not.  Example:

(fun fact! the only pleasure I got from having to make^ this^ stupid gif was getting to save it under the file name “this dick”)

First we have Balthazar. He’s our anarchist of the group. You can read his proclivity for whiskey as visual evidence of this. If he’s willing to rip off heaven of its more deadly weapons, by Chuck, he’s gonna do it with a glass of the hard stuff in his hand. More simply, the whiskey is an OG example of indulgence as a human foible. No one needs alcohol, but they sure af like it. So much so, in fact, it’s become a cliche in literature for over-indulgence and/or poor choices. This is one of the reasons we see Cas knock over the liquor store later in season five. Aside from it being a helluva relatable thing to do, it was punctuation on his character arc that season in which the audience got to see him starting to regret his poor choices.  

Next, we have Gabriel, the Archangel disguised as a demigod. There are two ways you can look at his food consumption. The first is as him playing his role as The Trickster. We all know how important it is to him that everyone play their role to the fullest extent, after all. As cited in episode 2.15, an indicator of Loki (ie the Trickster)has:

However, that’s not the only way you can read Gabe’s consumption, because he’s not ONLY after the sweets.The second, and arguably more important way to interpret it, is as an example of indulgence. This is supported in 2.15 when we see him having a good time with more than a handful of candy bars.

This idea can be carried through with all our fallen angels. Balthazar, Gabriel, Lucifer, and even Anna to an extent (some the reasons she named for originally falling, being food and sex). Together these creatures who come from perfection are mimicking the sin of man and thus creating a mirror.

As a whole, they serve as a lens to which we can compare Cas. They are The Fallen Angel ™. A baseline, if you will, we as the audience have come to expect. And that’s why it’s so damn important Cas doesn’t fit. This, my friend, is where I shift the narrative toward destiel. I bet you thought I couldn’t do it, but it’s my best party trick!

Including that brief foray as the comatose member of Team Free Will, all the times we see Cas eat are massively important to the plot.

Like when he began madly consuming beef, which, yes, can be blamed on Jimmy rather than Cas, but does serve as more evidence for angelic consumption = sin in text.

Or even food as PLEASURE like in the beer he drinks while literally in a den of iniquity.

All of this, of course, leading to the famous PBJ after Cas gets his grace back. 

He bites it and sneers, says it tastes like molecules and then tells it goodbye, cementing the idea that he will never eat it again. 

The important takeaway from this exchange isn’t ONLY that Cas is adorable, and that we should all want to make him PBJ all the time to watch his nose crinkle, it’s that Cas will always put away something he enjoys if it’s not necessary to the mission. It isn’t that Cas doesn’t like PBJ, it’s that he doesn’t have to have it. He gets his grace back, and the moment eating as a necessity disappears, he suddenly can’t see the forest through the trees anymore. It’s only molecules.

Tendency towards duty is one of the major character traits he’s had from the beginning. It’s part of the same language he and Dean spoke from the moment they met, and it’s probably one of the things that pulled Cas in to begin with. It’s what majorly sets him apart from the other fallen angels. 

But it’s a problem.

It’s arguably what we can peg as one of the few major reasons the Dean/Cas relationship has stalled out* for all these years (not to imply the fault is only Cas’, because it’s definitely not), and it’s certainly one of the major causes of his significant depression. He needs to find a balance. He isn’t an angel anymore, not really, and he can’t keep living like one.

However, there are hints that this is coming back around to resolution in season 13. He’s beat his depression, and  what I’ve noticed is, that he will eat when Dean gives him something. Specifically, he will drink: a human foible, if you’ll recall from our Balthazar example.

It think what we’re seeing is one of the many ways Cas is loosening the choke hold he has on himself to partake in moments of pleasure with that freckled, firecracker of a human being who woke him up so many years ago. And if the other angels are indication, these are things he can want if he lets himself.

So, for what it’s worth, that’s my messy interpretation of angels and food. I haven’t read any meta on it, but if @tinkdw or @mittensmorgul or one of the other awesome meta blogs have written some, maybe they can throw some links up for you!

*’Stalled out’ in this case refers only to destiel as canonically romantic, and is not referring to the massive personal and even relationship-based character growth they’ve achieved over the course of the show while maintaining the thin semblance of platonicity we can’t seem to wipe off our tv screens.

[beyondthedreamline]

what she says: I'm fine

what she means: So it’s interesting how the fact Loki probably had to have sex with Jeff Goldblum to keep himself alive and safe was both never made textual AND used as the butt of a joke (lol pun intended), because it doesn’t matter if Loki was sort of willing and it doesn’t matter if he’s sort of evil either - how can you give consent when you fall headfirst on a planet dominated by a psychotic pervert and why is sexual violence such a fun thing when it’s about men and this is James Bond all over again and how they inserted that ‘Maybe I got fucked before, you don’t know’ line during a high tension moment leading up to torture and possibly rape because that’s what’s fashionable now, gay subtext, amirite, which I’ve got nothing against but funnily enough it never seems to lead anywhere and hey, coming back to 'Thor: Ragnarok', isn’t it neat how the sexually ambiguous, feminine-coded brother ended up as a courtesan-slash-sex slave and the painfully straight übermensch brother got sent to the arena to fight and die and yay for novel and groundbreaking storytelling, right, because this is new, how women are sold into sex and/or need to pretend to be willing sexual partners to madmen so they have a shot at escaping violence and death while men are made to fight and somehow their kind of enslavement is recognized as terrible and tragic and something they're no part of, but women, eh, who can be sure about them, and my God, Loki couldn’t have been more stereotypically gay if they’d tried, I mean, Fashion-Conscious Drama Queen Initiates A Reign of Self-Obsessed Musical Theatre and how is that okay on top of Valkyrie, a canon bisexual woman, being coded as Thor’s love interest and also - #thor ragnarok #marvel #loki laufeyson #abuse for ts #rape for ts #negativity #imo this is the other problem with representation #we get one non white director #and we want to like him #we want to think he can do no wrong #but this movie #my god #it read like fanfiction #and not in a good way #also it was probably #the most misogynistic thor movie to date #just compare it with the first thor #where women were allowed to be women #also themselves #bc one thing i don't need #is women to get drunk and belch on screen #i mean sure #sometimes women do that #but this sudden idea #that feminist movies #need to have women act like (fictional) men do #well i hate it #sorry for ranting #but i do #i'd take a thousand jane forsters @awed-frog Okay, I reblogged the original post by @awed-frog but the text came out so strangely that it’s irritating the hell out of me, so I’m making a new post in the hope Tumblr doesn’t glitch it up too. This perspective on ‘Ragnarok’ is so interesting I have to respond to it, because I had completely the opposite reaction to everything! I loved the structure and pacing and the endless supply of in-jokes (the Douglas Adams reference most of all). This is a story with distinctly Antipodean humour, which you may or may not get – I sometimes struggle with the American humour in Marvel movies, different cultures tell their jokes different ways. The emotional beats were quiet and strong, trusting in the audience to understand their significance without overstatement: Thor going through funeral rites as best he can while imprisoned, Loki’s visible distress at the idea of Thor leaving him behind. There was also finally some solid textual support for Loki being more than a villain – which, given all the things he’s done to Earth, Asgard and Thor specifically, is no mean feat. I mean, at the point when you have a character who has faked his own death TWICE while trying to commit genocide BOTH TIMES, you have to lean hard into the inherent morbid comedy of the thing to keep it all from spiralling into cartoonish ridiculousness. I like Loki, largely because Tom Hiddleston has great facial expressions that can sell inconsistent characterisation, but seriously, it takes the actual apocalypse for him to step up and be useful. ‘Ragnarok’ reminds us that while Loki loves to play the victim and the martyr, he rarely is one. Usually, he’s the opposite. Trickery and charm are his great skills and as Thor pointed out, Sakaar was the perfect environment for him to thrive. We see him chat up girls, watch fights with the Grandmaster and act as a kind of pet bounty hunter, all of which he would hardly need much coercion to do. You can definitely read sexual subtext into their interactions, but I saw no implication of Loki being any more sexually threatened by the Grandmaster than Valkyrie was – that is to say, not at all. This is the guy who was willing to shove his brother straight back into the arena if it meant getting a step up in his new life, why would he feel uncomfortable sleeping his way to the top? I love the detail of him turning his 'death' into a play because he's literally the actor, the liar, the manipulator of events. In the end, Loki is a conman, and a very talented one. I’m sad that Jane won’t be returning to the Thor franchise, because I loved her character from the start and I truly enjoyed her dynamic with Thor. Also, DARCY. I will sorely miss Darcy Lewis. The truth is, I can’t think of a really satisfactory way for their departures to be handled on-screen, because I did not want them to depart at all. I feel like it should be pointed out, though, that ‘Thor: the Dark World’ was essentially Jane and Thor’s second date, and Jane was already running low on patience with his trans-Bifrost lifestyle. He’s kind and adorable and undeniably high-maintenance. If Jane had to have an exit, I’d prefer it like this, a low-key and everyday break-up rather than some big melodramatic event for Thor to brood over and Jane to be eventually talked out of. Also, just because I love Jane doesn’t mean I can’t love Valkyrie, and vice versa. It’s not a competition, however much Marvel tried to make it one. I’m a bit uncomfortable with your tag comment about the first Thor movie, describing it as the one ‘where women were allowed to be women’, because women are all kinds of things. I think I understand what you mean, there is rather an excess of traditionally masculine misbehaviour in mainstream media, but sometimes women are angry and disillusioned and drink way too much in order to cope, and that’s a story worth telling too. Honestly, I was on board with Valkyrie’s character from the minute she fell off her spaceship. She’s not a ‘better than the boys’ stereotype, she’s an embittered alcoholic warrior who gets dragged into friendship with Thor against her better judgement, and while that friendship might eventually shift into something romantic, it wasn’t shoehorned into her arc, for which I am intensely grateful. Ragnarok is, in so many ways, a movie with its foundations in the anger of the dispossessed. There are plenty of articles written on the subject by people better qualified than me. All I can say is that, as an Australian, I live in the messy aftermath of colonialism, with the awareness that my nation as I know it was founded on a violent invasion and that its impact is still being felt today. The line ‘where do you think all of this gold came from?’ was so flawless it kind of knocked my breath away. Hela tore apart Odin’s legacy and the narrative backed her right to do so the whole time. The only way to defeat her was to acknowledge that her claim was rightful and her story was true. That’s unbelievably powerful. Emotional resonance is a weird thing. So much of what we love in a story is entirely in the eye of the beholder, and perhaps it also depends on what other narratives are around us at the time – I, for instance, am personally tired of grimdark superheroism that’s all about how we can’t trust each other. What I need right now is Thor’s relentless optimism in the face of disaster, the man who makes friends wherever he goes, the god-prince who loses everything but rescues what really matters out of the ashes. Ragnarok isn’t a perfect movie, but it’s the best I’ve seen in a very long time and talking about it has made me want to watch it all over again.

[sticky-notes-writes]

Things I’m most familiar with!

ALWAYS BEING UPDATED

Here is a list of things I’m most familiar with and am able to write about! I have certain sections that include fandoms etc., these are just some baseline ideas that you can go off of to send in a request. A lot of these can be used for story lines and the characters are interchangeable. Meaning, you can use DIFFERENT  characters for DIFFERENT story lines, and visa versa. :) One again, if you are confused about anything feel free to send in an ask! I’ll link all of my different stuff down bellow! 

Master List

Rules

Ask/Requests

FANDOMS = Movie/T.V show based!

MCU >  ☆ Not very familiar with the comics but I do have a soft spot for Loki and Peter Parker ☆

DC Universe >  ☆ I’m a bit rusty on this BUT I can always try!! I’m most familiar with Teen Titans and The Young Justice League☆

Honobono Log > ☆ One of the shortest and most wholesome animes I’ve ever see, recommend if you haven’t seen it!!  ☆

Miraculous Ladybug >  ☆ The characters are underage therefore I won’t be doing any nsfw for any of them. UNLESS YOU ASK TO AGE THEM UP, but it still makes me feel a bit weird lol.

Kiss Him not Me >  ☆ THIS SILLY ANIME changed my life. I’ve only seen the anime and not read the manga but the characters are quite silly and shippable so I can write for them!

Hotarubi no mori e >  ☆ Literally sobbed after watching this beautiful movie, recommend if you haven’t watched it. I’ll definitely be writing about this eventually, but if you have any specific requests of some sort feel free to ask!

Attack on Titan > VERY ACTION BASED AND DRAMATIC, right up my alley!! I haven’t read the manga but I’m caught up with the ongoing season 3 arc so feel free to ask!

Your Lie in April >  ☆Another heart breaking anime, I just can’t get enough of these! The characters are great and well-written! Send in any writing ideas!

Yuri! On Ice >  ☆Classic fan service in a good way, love these characters and their chemistry! ☆

The Vampire Diaries >  ☆I’ve seen it all up to season 6, and the last episode of season 8. I’ll be honest, I’m a Stelena stan SORRY BUT STELENA STOLE MY HEART FROM THE BEGINNING!! ☆

Harry Potter >  ☆I’ve only seen the movies, sorry guys! But I’ll definitely read the books soon!! Don’t think I don’t know about the character’s history, I’ve done my research! ☆

Death Note >  ☆Classic angsty sadish anime, characters are pretty good, have a soft spot for angsty anime ☆

Sweeney Todd >  ☆OKAY SO I CAN EXPLAIN>>>> Love the deception and music of this. This honestly isn’t really something I would write about but I have a few ideas! ☆

FANDOMS = Otome(ish) Mobile/Computer Games

Mystic Messenger  >  ☆THIS GAME MESSED UP MY SLEEP SCHEDULE REALLY BAD BUT I STILL LOVE IT VERY MUCH!! I’ve played all routes and secret endings, minus V’s and Saeran’s after endings.  ☆

The Arcana >  ☆I’ve played all routes so far and know quite a lot about the characters! Biggest softie for Juian & Lucio  ☆

Ikemen Sengoku >  ☆ It really has been awhile since I’ve played this game, BUT it’s still very good may be a bit cheesy but I’m a softy. Love Nobunaga ☆

Mr. Love: Queen’s Choice > ☆ Just started playing this and WOW it’s fun, love it!! I have a soft spot for all four boys but although Victor seems a bit of an ass sometimes, he melts my heart. OH AND LUCIEN IS HELLA SMOOTH MAKES ME BLUSH!! ☆

Monster Prom >  ☆OH BOY!! So many endings, so many characters, GOSH SO MUCH! Biggest softie for Liam and Damien, hipster vampire and rebellious demon, love them both! ☆

Dangerous Fellows >  ☆OKAY APOCALYPTIC LOVE STORIES ARE PROBLEMATIC IN THE REAL WORLD BUT WHEN IT COMES TO OTOME STYLE GAMES IT’S A CLASSIC WINNER! I have a soft spot for Lawrence. ☆

FANDOMS = WebToons

Days of Hana >  ☆Caught up with the unpaid chapters cause I can’t afford to pay and read ahead. BUT LOVE THE DYNAMIC BETWEEN HANA AND HARU!! Story line wise, it’s really good and I’m in love with both the artist and writer!! ☆

Eggnoid >  ☆BEAUTIFUL ART AND STORY LINE! The ships in this are just, WOW!! I love Eggy and Ran, however there are about three boys I ship Ran with! ☆

Bastard >  ☆INTENSE!! This WebToon is realllyyy good and dramatic and gory and just--WOW! Might as well be a movie! ☆

Orange Marmalade >  ☆Another comic from the writer of Days of Hana, BEAUTIFUL ONCE AGAIN AND THE MESSAGE BEHIND THIS IS JUST INCREDIBLE!!

Dragonork >  ☆More of an action-packed comic, with a pretty good intense and plot twists.

Sithrah >  ☆ CUTE AND BITTERSWEET WEBTOON!! Action packed but sweet with some good plot twists and likeable characters.

Nothing Special >  ☆ CUTEST COUPLE EVER!! They’re so dorky and magical together, they deserve the world ☆

STORY LINE IDEAS

Beauty and the Beast >  ☆ This is a classic story line, can be used for any ship or fandom if I’m being honest. ☆

Domestic story lines = Honobono Log >  ☆ I know I added this to my fandom list BUT THE WHOLESOMENESS IN EACH 2 MINUTE EPISODE IS ADORABLE AND JUST AHHH!!!!! They’re more domestic and cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ☆

Will Grayson, Will Grayson Story line > This is a pretty good book. It’s more of like,,,, two characters (with the same/similar names) spontaneously meet and give each other advice and kind of become friends. It’ a good book! ☆

Coming of Age = The Perks of Being a Wallflower >  ☆ Good book and movie with a growing of age story line! The Edge of 17 is really good too☆

Sad traumatic accident >  ☆ If you’ve read If I stay or watched the movie, you’ll get the gist of the sad and traumatic car accident type of story line. Recommend reading both books!

I also really like the whole “I’m a superhero, and I like someone who isn’t a hero!” combined with another person who is working with hero A, not knowing they both know each other in real life--- like Miraculous Ladybug, really creative story line.

Romeo and Juliet >  ☆CLASSIC SAD AND DRAMATIC STAR-CROSSED LOVERS STORY LINE, I’m a softy for this kind of stuff.

The Count of Monte Cristo >  ☆ A story of revenge and wealth--- ruining people’s lives and getting back at them for what they did to you years ago never felt so good! (Okay, but the book is amazing, movie SUCKED ASS IM SORRY BUT I HATED IT!) ☆

Harrison Bergeron/2081 >  ☆ Okay so,,,, explaining this is kind of difficult BUT basically, people are being brainwashed and only SOME CHARACTER becomes aware and tries to get others to become conscious of this to only have their plans kind of go to waste--- BE CREATIVE!! (It’s on YouTube btw)   ☆

BE CREATIVE AND DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK!!! I may have left some things out!

[mild-lunacy]

Antiheroes and Pity vs Sympathy

I automatically have a flash of sympathy for anyone who’s called-- or calls themselves-- unlikeable, or unwantable, or unknowable (hi, Adam Parrish). I don’t want to seem like a bleeding heart, though, mostly because I don’t want to say that I romanticize this. So in part this is a comeback to the people who don’t understand, and in part it’s because I’m addressing it mentally to those characters and/or people who’re in that state of mind (particularly re: the Kavinsky and/or Mary Morstan discourse in fandom). It’s not about pity, when I love a dark character. And it’s not that I don’t see all the issues. I think what I feel is a desire to protect those who make themselves vulnerable, and I think to believe yourself unlikeable is ultimately to admit to a wound. In that position of vulnerability, a lot of dark things can happen. A lot of violence and hurt can potentially be perpetrated in so-called self-defense. Not all of it is forgivable, but much of it is sympathetic, to me. 

Usually. Not always.   

I say all this, but it’s by no means absolute. I like a lot of characters that are supposed to be ‘problematic’ or dark, but at the same time, if a character is essentially shallow or comfortable with their own darkness and despair, generally I don’t care for them. It’s not that I need self-hatred or something, but there’s a big difference between Draco Malfoy and Adam Parrish, or Severus Snape and MCU’s Loki (to get more hardcore), and someone like Kylo Ren or Kavinsky. What makes someone like Kylo Ren or Kavinsky different? Seemingly, they have all those antihero type ingredients of intense darkness and perhaps self-pity, but they just lash out and doesn’t make any meaningful connections. They may try, but they are abusive. Snape is like that too, with Lily-- he tries, but he’s still abusive and emotionally toxic to her, and then even to Harry-- so that his better feelings and motivations are swallowed up. The difference is that Snape ultimately sacrifices himself. He does a lot of hard things, thankless things, with little help and no acknowledgment or reward, in order to atone. This is the difference, even if he can’t unbend enough to form healthy relationships. With someone like Kavinsky or Kylo Ren, there is no atonement.

The vulnerability feels most of all like an excuse and not a burden the character bears (in this, Kylo Ren is like his grandfather). He has no obvious conflict within himself, no apparent (supposedly hopeless) desire to be something other than what he’s becoming. When a character simply chooses to self-destruct by destroying others, it’s not that they’re suffering over being unlikeable. It’s that they’re mainly making others suffer the bulk of the pain for them, leaving them only the smugness and self-satisfaction of destruction. That’s where my sympathy stops, and only the pity for the truly pathetic is left.

I’ve argued against sympathy for Kavinsky just recently, from the perspective that he’s not written sympathetically in the first place. There’s also a great post with comparisons between Kavinsky’s portrayal and the antihero protagonist in the All for the Game series. People seem not to differentiate between the antiheroes who’re written sympathetically and given proper redemption arcs and those who aren’t, except to say the ones without an arc were robbed, somehow. A lot of readers go beyond being moved to pity for the character and identify with their pain, which is understandable. Many of the geeks who read genre fiction probably have plenty of experience with feeling pathetic, left behind, unfairly maligned and so on, so there’s plenty of room for projection. However, they lack self-awareness in realizing this means they’re now bound to misread the entire story, because they’re no longer apt to align their sympathies with the actual heroes. 

Basically, a lot of misunderstandings and claims of authorial bias happen because people can no longer process a story as intended, by over-identifying and thus sympathizing with the pathetic antagonist. Note, there’s a difference between a pathetic and a sympathetic antihero, and it’s important to understand if you’re interested in following the narrative in the first place.

Specifically about Kavinsky, a lot of people point to his implied tragic backstory, and/or the sympathy the narrative should have shown for the possible trauma involved. I get pretty frustrated with that. First of all, the way I read ‘The Dream Thieves’ strongly implied that Kavinsky did a lot of unforgivable, dark shit as much or more than having it happen to him. He chose this. Give the guy some agency. This erasure of agency is something no one tolerates for the heroic protagonists, to the point where many people in fandom refuse to understand the concept of ‘extenuating circumstances’ for them. And yet somehow it frequently goes out the window for traumatized antiheroes. I also think I’m particularly frustrated ‘cause I’ve always thought of myself as having a huge soft spot for just that sort of misguided, unloved and problematic character. I don’t romanticize them, but I feel for them. I root for the underdog. I get invested. I do all these things. I am all these things. So I take it a bit personally when people make pity and entitlement-based arguments masquerading as empathy-based arguments.

The other reason I get frustrated is ‘cause I do the ‘what if’ thing, that old ‘but it could have been glorious’ argument like this one about Ronan/Kavinsky. That’s me. That’s the sort of thing I’ve said about Harry/Draco and even Heero/Duo (about whom I shouldn’t have to argue, because they’re both good guys who’re still young, who haven’t messed up that badly and haven’t finished growing in any case). Think of the possibilities! Why not grow into a glorious future? Why not choose hope? Why not believe people can change? Why not believe love can change you?  I’m not even sure what’s different here, except I’m certain it is different.

Harry & Draco and Heero & Duo (and Adam & Ronan) have all paid their dues. It’s not about one character rescuing the other. They struggle together, they help each other, and they need each other, but they each have an arc in this scenario. And like I said in my earlier Kavinsky post, a redemption arc isn’t an entitlement. It’s always a possibility, yes. But it’s not an indiscriminate process. It has to fit. It has to be fought for. Sacrificed for. Both Adam and Ronan are portrayed as fundamentally different from Kavinsky, basically.

The thing I love about Adam Parrish is that he’s always striving. He’s trying to prove himself. This is a quality he shares with a lot of Slytherin types, from Draco and Snape to Loki, or Tyrion Lannister in The Game of Thrones. These are all characters who’ve been on the ‘losing side’ for a long portion of their life, and they try to do something about it (something that usually involves more mistakes), but you can sympathize. It’s not enough that they were wronged, though. It’s not that I’d sympathize automatically just because a character goes dark after being wronged. That kind of narrative is all too common. The thing is-- the whole secret here-- is that any old villain thinks it’s Not Their Fault. 

It’s never their fault, is it?

Of course they’re the injured party. If that’s all you need to empathize and over-identify, then you’re creating your own prison along with the antihero in question. Then you’re just always going to be identifying with the so-called victim, full stop, and that’s a dark path in and of itself. It’s a small hop, skip and a jump from that into the moral quagmire these characters wind up in, because the dark choices they make are all about them. Who wronged them. What’s best for them.

By contrast, the best characters, the sympathetic ones, are not defined entirely by their trauma. They may think they’re unlikeable, or unknowable, or untouchable, but they still do some good in their life, they still want to achieve something constructive, and they’re still capable of love in spite of themselves. There’s still some core of them that’s untainted, that’s genuinely vulnerable, human and just a bit hopeful. They keep their eyes on the skies, not locked in with their inner darkness. That’s what works for me. They’re fighting for the future, even if they think it’s probably hopeless. That’s the ‘hero’ part of antihero.

This is not the same thing as wreaking revenge, like Kylo Ren or Kavinsky after Ronan rejected him. He didn’t have to do that. Ronan never did, and he went through some pretty bad shit himself, and has a lot of the same tendencies (as we know). There’s a difference between fighting for something and just succumbing to destruction. Destruction is an ugly thing. Of course, it’s a pitiful thing, too. It’s a natural part of humanity, a part of grief and rage that can be inevitable. But as a state of being, though, it’s static and unsympathetic. It’s movement that I like. If a character isn’t moving, my sympathy for their pain soon evaporates. They have to be running to something, away from something; they have to change.

One major reason I grew to love Adam as I read The Raven Cycle is because of his arc; you get the sense he’s always growing. He’s always changing. With Draco Malfoy (whom I adored), this was more of a potential than a reality in the books, so his story was a lot more frustrating except for the movement we got in ‘The Half-Blood Prince’. We did get a piece of the growth I think the character was capable of there. I understood, though. It was Harry’s story, so Draco was always an afterthought, more or less. I’ve accepted and made peace with this. I’m a Draco fan, but I actually sympathize with JK Rowling saying that Draco fans romanticize and victimize him too much. As written, Draco is more potential than reality, and a completed story that doesn’t explore that potential has effectively defined itself. 

There’s no point to responding to the story you wish was there instead. You can imagine alternative paths for the character, but they’re not actually real; you don’t get to argue that the author somehow robbed you-- or the character. 

Does the actual Draco Malfoy in the actual Harry Potter books deserve redemption? Well, he hasn’t done anything that awful; he was just an ineffectual bully who was merely manipulated into killing Dumbledore. He’s a pitiful figure, but no, he doesn’t have enough of an arc or enough evidence of an inner life to say he’s got a ‘heart of gold’, fanon aside. He’s just human, so he makes some positive choices-- he cares about his family, and does protect Harry from Voldemort to a minor degree. Beyond that, there’s absolutely no substitute for good characterization, and an actual canon arc. We can see Adam and Ronan’s interior slowly revealed throughout four books; with Draco, we barely got to the point The Raven Cycle got to in one book. Even with Snape, who doesn’t have a heart of gold either, at least there’s more genuine attention to interiority. While you can fill in the blanks, I’ve never felt like fighting the writer and the writing to do so after all is said and done. I’m not going to try to love a character in spite of the way he’s written; that seems pointless.

I do love Draco for who he is-- a slippery, whiny little shit who’s clearly desperate for attention and overwhelmed by the expectations placed upon him. I don’t need pity to appreciate a lively, if problematic, character. I do acknowledge that fandom is a wonderful place, where you can explore the potential backstories and give characters like Draco or Kavinsky (whatever their differences) the redemption arcs they didn’t get in canon. That’s a good thing. But that’s a separate thing from claiming the canon wronged them somehow. The canon was telling its own story, that has a logic and a rationale. Understanding this is important to understanding the rationale behind all the other characterizations involved, so I certainly wish the antihero fans took more of an interest. Alas....